each week i get an email from pregnancy.com or something of the sort telling me what to expect that week in my pregnancy. sometimes they are really helpful in reminding me of little idiosyncrasies that i may have forgotten, but at other points, they remind me of those old books from the 1950's that teach young women how to be good wives. (you know this book, right? they are always yellowed and well-worn spouting wisdom about how to prepare the appropriate cocktail to have waiting for your husband when he arrives home from work or how to properly allow your husband time to unwind when he may be feeling stressed by keeping the children occupied and quiet for approximately 15 minutes.)
anyway.
below is a quote found in this week's email from a super helpful lady named kelley. needless to say, i don't think that kelley and i would be friends if i in fact, knew who she was.
"I had the beginnings of varicose veins and swollen ankles and was becoming short of breath until I started exercising four times a week. I feel great now." — Kelley
thanks kelley with an 'ey'. tell me again how i should exercise 4 days a week. i just can't get enough of your help.
just thought you may like to see the kinds of things that torment me throughout my day.
12 more weeks...12 more weeks...12 more weeks.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
i just don't have the vomit gene.
casey, my brave soldier of a son, is so sick! in the midst of any illness, it's important to find the silver lining of an otherwise grey cloud. at this point, i am thankful that my dear son saved his projectile vomiting until dad got home from work at about 4am. yay!
i had been sitting calmly with him most of the night in our big rocker. he would drift in and out of sleep between cartoons on noggin. his fever had hit a max at about 102 when i finally got him to drink a little of the milk that had been sitting in his hands all night.
when dad got home i don't know if it was the excitement of seeing his favorite person or if the milk just didn't sit well. but almost immediately, casey began to throw up. at first, it was just a rumbling...but shortly after matt had arrived home, casey began resemble ol' faithful.
when casey started to cough, i started to run. i yelled for matt that he was going to blow and while i was dry heaving in the kitchen, casey blew chunks in a way that i have never seen. his distance was most impressive at, no joke, at least 5 feet.
in one fell swoop, he covered the chair, the rug, matt and himself in stinky white vomit.
now today - 15 hours later - my house wreaks of floral carpet cleaner, pine candle and stale chuck.
my hope now is that casey recovers quickly, the carpet airs out completely and that this nasty virus stays contained to just one of my children!
here's hoping!
i had been sitting calmly with him most of the night in our big rocker. he would drift in and out of sleep between cartoons on noggin. his fever had hit a max at about 102 when i finally got him to drink a little of the milk that had been sitting in his hands all night.
when dad got home i don't know if it was the excitement of seeing his favorite person or if the milk just didn't sit well. but almost immediately, casey began to throw up. at first, it was just a rumbling...but shortly after matt had arrived home, casey began resemble ol' faithful.
when casey started to cough, i started to run. i yelled for matt that he was going to blow and while i was dry heaving in the kitchen, casey blew chunks in a way that i have never seen. his distance was most impressive at, no joke, at least 5 feet.
in one fell swoop, he covered the chair, the rug, matt and himself in stinky white vomit.
now today - 15 hours later - my house wreaks of floral carpet cleaner, pine candle and stale chuck.
my hope now is that casey recovers quickly, the carpet airs out completely and that this nasty virus stays contained to just one of my children!
here's hoping!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
wanted: a personal assistant
do you ever get sick of yourself? sick of the things that make you less of yourself?
i am so sick of myself tonight. i have moments where i remember the 'old' me. someone who was inspired by her faith. by learning. by friends. someone who was rested and full of energy to do more and say more and think more.
my life today is different from when i felt like that. i am pulled in 100 different directions everyday from the moment my feet hit the ground. while i wouldn't change the fact that i am married, i have kids and i have a job, sometimes i wish i also had a personal assistant.
my personal assistant would be in charge of the following daily duties:
1. laundry (this will include gathering all of the laundry, washing it, folding it AND putting it away)
2. grocery shopping
3. getting drinks for my kids (i swear, every single time i sit down, one of them needs a drink)
4. blow drying/styling my hair
5. cleaning up the bathroom
6. unloading the dishwasher
7. changing poopy diapers
8. cleaning out my refrigerator and maintaining the brita filter rotation
9. reading great books and telling me about them, in detail
10. following world events and political issues and debriefing me daily
11. complimenting my husband on his manliness and his great fathering
12. other duties as assigned
if i had someone in my life that would all of these things for me, maybe then i would feel a bit more...i don't know...worthwhile. a bit cooler. a little nicer. definitely smarter. braver even?
tonight i am feeling like a big blob of mush. like someone who has to accomplish what is on my personal assistant's to-do list but i just don't have it in me. i'm tired. tonight i miss my friends. tonight i wish i could have a drink and a conversation with people who are far away. tonight i just can't make it happen.
so for tonight...i'll work on the job description for my prospective PA and i will say a prayer that when i find her, she'll agree to work for monopoly money. until then, suck it laundry. as long as my grundies are clean, i'm all good.
i am so sick of myself tonight. i have moments where i remember the 'old' me. someone who was inspired by her faith. by learning. by friends. someone who was rested and full of energy to do more and say more and think more.
my life today is different from when i felt like that. i am pulled in 100 different directions everyday from the moment my feet hit the ground. while i wouldn't change the fact that i am married, i have kids and i have a job, sometimes i wish i also had a personal assistant.
my personal assistant would be in charge of the following daily duties:
1. laundry (this will include gathering all of the laundry, washing it, folding it AND putting it away)
2. grocery shopping
3. getting drinks for my kids (i swear, every single time i sit down, one of them needs a drink)
4. blow drying/styling my hair
5. cleaning up the bathroom
6. unloading the dishwasher
7. changing poopy diapers
8. cleaning out my refrigerator and maintaining the brita filter rotation
9. reading great books and telling me about them, in detail
10. following world events and political issues and debriefing me daily
11. complimenting my husband on his manliness and his great fathering
12. other duties as assigned
if i had someone in my life that would all of these things for me, maybe then i would feel a bit more...i don't know...worthwhile. a bit cooler. a little nicer. definitely smarter. braver even?
tonight i am feeling like a big blob of mush. like someone who has to accomplish what is on my personal assistant's to-do list but i just don't have it in me. i'm tired. tonight i miss my friends. tonight i wish i could have a drink and a conversation with people who are far away. tonight i just can't make it happen.
so for tonight...i'll work on the job description for my prospective PA and i will say a prayer that when i find her, she'll agree to work for monopoly money. until then, suck it laundry. as long as my grundies are clean, i'm all good.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
is there anything better?
is there anything better than building memories with your family? matt and i are keenly aware that this time we have with our many small ones is fleeting - that each time a season comes and goes, it deserves a celebration! as we welcome in the christmas season, i hope that each moment can be as special as putting up our tree was this year!
as is our chirstmas tree tradition, we were able to get the tree up and decorated this weekend with only minimal bickering (from the kids and from us!) and with no major crisis to speak of!
it was amazing to see how excited ellee and sophie were as we took out the ornaments, strung the lights and put on the finishing touches. they loved it! they each have a couple of ornaments that are 'theirs' and getting to hang those themselves was really thrilling for them - and so special for us! casey on the other hand...well, he really loved it when we finally gave in and put baby einstein on for him to enjoy!
we are as excited for the christmas season as we could be...looking forward to good times around our family tree!
as is our chirstmas tree tradition, we were able to get the tree up and decorated this weekend with only minimal bickering (from the kids and from us!) and with no major crisis to speak of!
it was amazing to see how excited ellee and sophie were as we took out the ornaments, strung the lights and put on the finishing touches. they loved it! they each have a couple of ornaments that are 'theirs' and getting to hang those themselves was really thrilling for them - and so special for us! casey on the other hand...well, he really loved it when we finally gave in and put baby einstein on for him to enjoy!
we are as excited for the christmas season as we could be...looking forward to good times around our family tree!
thankful for such good food and even better company. can you picture it?
thanksgiving has been my absolute favorite holiday since i can remember. my mom fills her house with 20+ people each year and provides enough food to feed at least 100. the faces and the smells are familiar - the day is filled with unspoken tradition that even the most removed of us can't bare to break. each year that i get to be there, i am thankful.
this year, i was to bring three items. 1) orange jello salad 2) cranberry salad and 3) my standard sweet potatoes.
my dear mom-in-law, shirley, supplied me with two delicous jello salad recipes while i tried to mentally prepare myself to successfully produce my sweet potatoes again - this year, without incident. you may remember that last year, i dropped my entire batch down the basement stairs the morning of thanksgiving. nice.
luckily for me, the girls were so 'helpful' this year. they stirred and measured and tasted like pros. i sweated and cooked and carefully plotted my course until i finally it was time to load all of my bounty into the van, along with the family of course, and head out to my moms.
i drove with the precision of a nascar driver...careful not to take corners too fast for fear that the delicious butter/brown sugar mixture would spill out of my perfect sweet potatoes.
once we arrived, with all the excitement of children arriving at disney land, ellee un-clicked her seat belt and hopped out of her booster chair. she landed with a thump on the floor of the van. on any other day, this would be totally acceptable. but on this day - on thanksgiving day - i had specifically warned against such action. why? because, in an effort to secure the pans in a safe and sturdy location, i had strategically placed two giant pans of perfectly prepared sweet potatoes directly under ellee's seat. an error i now recognize en mass.
yes, ellee did smash about 1/4 of my potatoes with her giant great-dane-like feet as she hopped out of her seat. yes, brown sugar and butter spilled out all over the van. and yes, we entered my moms house looking more of a flurry of wild animals than of a family. it was a rough start - but it was salvaged and in the end, all was well and the remaining sweet potatoes were as tastey as i could have imagined.
below are some random shots of the meal and the people who make this day special to me. i hope that your thanksgiving was as filling and fulfilling as mine!
gobble gobble!
this year, i was to bring three items. 1) orange jello salad 2) cranberry salad and 3) my standard sweet potatoes.
my dear mom-in-law, shirley, supplied me with two delicous jello salad recipes while i tried to mentally prepare myself to successfully produce my sweet potatoes again - this year, without incident. you may remember that last year, i dropped my entire batch down the basement stairs the morning of thanksgiving. nice.
luckily for me, the girls were so 'helpful' this year. they stirred and measured and tasted like pros. i sweated and cooked and carefully plotted my course until i finally it was time to load all of my bounty into the van, along with the family of course, and head out to my moms.
i drove with the precision of a nascar driver...careful not to take corners too fast for fear that the delicious butter/brown sugar mixture would spill out of my perfect sweet potatoes.
once we arrived, with all the excitement of children arriving at disney land, ellee un-clicked her seat belt and hopped out of her booster chair. she landed with a thump on the floor of the van. on any other day, this would be totally acceptable. but on this day - on thanksgiving day - i had specifically warned against such action. why? because, in an effort to secure the pans in a safe and sturdy location, i had strategically placed two giant pans of perfectly prepared sweet potatoes directly under ellee's seat. an error i now recognize en mass.
yes, ellee did smash about 1/4 of my potatoes with her giant great-dane-like feet as she hopped out of her seat. yes, brown sugar and butter spilled out all over the van. and yes, we entered my moms house looking more of a flurry of wild animals than of a family. it was a rough start - but it was salvaged and in the end, all was well and the remaining sweet potatoes were as tastey as i could have imagined.
below are some random shots of the meal and the people who make this day special to me. i hope that your thanksgiving was as filling and fulfilling as mine!
gobble gobble!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
adoption is hard. but it's worth it.
because november is national adoption awareness month (yay, adoption!!), i wanted to provide a couple documents that help to outline not only our emotional investment in our process (completed in April of 2006), but also what our logistical hurdles included!
one of these documents is an older post (from sometime in 2008) and one is a post i just added...both are links on the right under 'sophie's story.'
adoption has become part of our family's fabric and for those of you looking for information about the adoption 'how-to's' or who are just walking down memory lane with me, enjoy your peek into what the process included for us!
remember though...adoption is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get! seriously, what was true for us, may be very different from what others have experienced!
in any case...share your stories in the comments sections...i am thrilled to celebrate adoption not only in november - but every day of every month!
let's get the word out together - there are over 140 MILLION children worldwide who need homes...can you help?
one of these documents is an older post (from sometime in 2008) and one is a post i just added...both are links on the right under 'sophie's story.'
adoption has become part of our family's fabric and for those of you looking for information about the adoption 'how-to's' or who are just walking down memory lane with me, enjoy your peek into what the process included for us!
remember though...adoption is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get! seriously, what was true for us, may be very different from what others have experienced!
in any case...share your stories in the comments sections...i am thrilled to celebrate adoption not only in november - but every day of every month!
let's get the word out together - there are over 140 MILLION children worldwide who need homes...can you help?
Friday, November 20, 2009
our adoption logistical hurdles...it was a learning process!
1. We began working with Family Adoption Consultants in Kalamazoo Michigan to adopt from Korea. They assigned us to work with Kids Hope United in Illinois in order to complete the homestudy in 7/05
2. Our approved homestudy was complete on 10/03/05
3. We received our referral from Family Adoption Consultants on 10/12/05
4. We officially accepted our referral by completing and sending all the appropriate paperwork to Family Adoption Consultants on 10/30.
5. We completed our adoption conversion course for DCFS on 10/29/05 at which point our social worker, Devin Dittrich at Kids Hope United in Joliet, assured us that all of our paperwork for foster care licensing was complete on approximately 10/29/05.
6. We completed our I600 for USCIS including payment, our daughter’s legal documents from Korea, and approved homestudy information on approximately 11/1/05
7. We completed our fingerprinting for USCIS on 11/15/05.
8. On 11/29, I spoke with Mary Donnelly at DCFS. Mary works in Springfield coordinating international adoptions for DCFS. Mary told us that she would be sending a confirmation letter to USCIS by 12/02/05 confirming our foster care license.
9. On 11/29, I spoke with Diane at USCIS to relay the message from Mary Donnelly. Diane let me know that once the letter was received, she would be able to grant us visa approval. She would then wire the information to Korea who would then begin working on passport approval.
10. On 12/2, I received a call from our social worker, Devin Dittrich, telling me that we had to do some additional paperwork for DCFS. She said that she was unaware that we would need to complete this paperwork before that point, but that it was necessary to complete before DCFS could process our foster care license. Devin assured me that the delay would not be a big one. However, this is the first time that I was told that we would once again need to be fingerprinted, this time by a company called Arts Investigations.
11. We completed the new DCFS paperwork and were fingerprinted by Arts Investigations on 12/6/05 at the Laidlaw bus company in Villa Park, IL. The paperwork was over-nighted to DCFS by our social worker the following day.
12. Since 12/6/05, I have been in communication with Mary Donnelly at DCFS and with Karen Powell at Kids Hope United (Karen works as Devin’s supervisor). On 1/10/06, I spoke with Mary Donnelly who informed me that the reason our foster care license had yet to be issued is because DCFS is waiting on FBI clearance. She told me that they only need FBI clearance when a couple has lived outside the state of Illinois within the past three years – which Matt and I have. Mary then told me that the time period of when we should hear back from the FBI is unknown and that there is no one to call to track where we are in the process.
13. Since 1/10/06, I have been in communication with Karen Powell at Kids Hope United who also is unaware of whom I can speak with in order to expedite this process.
14. On 2/2/06, I received a message from Sue at State Representative McCarthy’s office. She informed me that she forwarded on my information to Senator Obama’s office who would be contacting me with a release form that we would have to fill out. With it, they would try and track the FBI fingerprint clearances.
15. On 2/3/06, I spoke with Camille at Dick Durbin’s office who was very helpful, but unfortunately, could not assist in tracking the federal FBI fingerprint clearance. She did insist that if she could help in any other way, I let her know.
16. On 2/3/06, I spoke with Mary Donnelly at IL DCFS who informed me that she had contacted Devin Dittrich at Kids Hope United to encourage her to follow up with DCFS licensing office. She also informed me that in addition to the FBI clearances, we were also missing the following documents:
1. CANTS clearance for me, Shannon Schans (Matt’s had come in)
2. IL state police clearances for both Shannon and Matt Schans
At this time, Mary also confirmed with me that there could be delays in retrieving these clearances because the licensing office of DCFS had recently relocated from Springfield to Chicago and it was a chaotic move.
17. On 2/6/06, I left a message with Karen Powell asking her to verify the information Mary gave me on Friday.
18. With the help of Kevin McCarthy’s office, we were able to determine that our fingerprint request had not been properly submitted. They were able to expedite the process and we received our clearance within days of the discovery – approximately on 2/10/06.
19. This allowed for our final visa clearance to be granted approximately on March 10, 2006.
20. Our complete file allowed Sophie’s visa request to be processed in Korea on April 1, 2006.
21. On April 12, 2006, we received news that Sophie’s visa had been approved in Korea and that she would travel to the US on April 25, 2006.
22. I took a nap. :)
2. Our approved homestudy was complete on 10/03/05
3. We received our referral from Family Adoption Consultants on 10/12/05
4. We officially accepted our referral by completing and sending all the appropriate paperwork to Family Adoption Consultants on 10/30.
5. We completed our adoption conversion course for DCFS on 10/29/05 at which point our social worker, Devin Dittrich at Kids Hope United in Joliet, assured us that all of our paperwork for foster care licensing was complete on approximately 10/29/05.
6. We completed our I600 for USCIS including payment, our daughter’s legal documents from Korea, and approved homestudy information on approximately 11/1/05
7. We completed our fingerprinting for USCIS on 11/15/05.
8. On 11/29, I spoke with Mary Donnelly at DCFS. Mary works in Springfield coordinating international adoptions for DCFS. Mary told us that she would be sending a confirmation letter to USCIS by 12/02/05 confirming our foster care license.
9. On 11/29, I spoke with Diane at USCIS to relay the message from Mary Donnelly. Diane let me know that once the letter was received, she would be able to grant us visa approval. She would then wire the information to Korea who would then begin working on passport approval.
10. On 12/2, I received a call from our social worker, Devin Dittrich, telling me that we had to do some additional paperwork for DCFS. She said that she was unaware that we would need to complete this paperwork before that point, but that it was necessary to complete before DCFS could process our foster care license. Devin assured me that the delay would not be a big one. However, this is the first time that I was told that we would once again need to be fingerprinted, this time by a company called Arts Investigations.
11. We completed the new DCFS paperwork and were fingerprinted by Arts Investigations on 12/6/05 at the Laidlaw bus company in Villa Park, IL. The paperwork was over-nighted to DCFS by our social worker the following day.
12. Since 12/6/05, I have been in communication with Mary Donnelly at DCFS and with Karen Powell at Kids Hope United (Karen works as Devin’s supervisor). On 1/10/06, I spoke with Mary Donnelly who informed me that the reason our foster care license had yet to be issued is because DCFS is waiting on FBI clearance. She told me that they only need FBI clearance when a couple has lived outside the state of Illinois within the past three years – which Matt and I have. Mary then told me that the time period of when we should hear back from the FBI is unknown and that there is no one to call to track where we are in the process.
13. Since 1/10/06, I have been in communication with Karen Powell at Kids Hope United who also is unaware of whom I can speak with in order to expedite this process.
14. On 2/2/06, I received a message from Sue at State Representative McCarthy’s office. She informed me that she forwarded on my information to Senator Obama’s office who would be contacting me with a release form that we would have to fill out. With it, they would try and track the FBI fingerprint clearances.
15. On 2/3/06, I spoke with Camille at Dick Durbin’s office who was very helpful, but unfortunately, could not assist in tracking the federal FBI fingerprint clearance. She did insist that if she could help in any other way, I let her know.
16. On 2/3/06, I spoke with Mary Donnelly at IL DCFS who informed me that she had contacted Devin Dittrich at Kids Hope United to encourage her to follow up with DCFS licensing office. She also informed me that in addition to the FBI clearances, we were also missing the following documents:
1. CANTS clearance for me, Shannon Schans (Matt’s had come in)
2. IL state police clearances for both Shannon and Matt Schans
At this time, Mary also confirmed with me that there could be delays in retrieving these clearances because the licensing office of DCFS had recently relocated from Springfield to Chicago and it was a chaotic move.
17. On 2/6/06, I left a message with Karen Powell asking her to verify the information Mary gave me on Friday.
18. With the help of Kevin McCarthy’s office, we were able to determine that our fingerprint request had not been properly submitted. They were able to expedite the process and we received our clearance within days of the discovery – approximately on 2/10/06.
19. This allowed for our final visa clearance to be granted approximately on March 10, 2006.
20. Our complete file allowed Sophie’s visa request to be processed in Korea on April 1, 2006.
21. On April 12, 2006, we received news that Sophie’s visa had been approved in Korea and that she would travel to the US on April 25, 2006.
22. I took a nap. :)
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
it's just that time of year again folks...
it's a week until thanksgiving and this year, more than others it feels like, i am feeling so grateful for so many things. this begs the question - is it cheesy to get caught up in what some call the opportunistic commercialism of the holiday season and write about the things that you are thankful for in a public forum for all to see? well...call me cheddar and sprinkle me on a taco because gosh darn it, i am thankful!
i am thankful for another year that i have been given with my partner in life, my husband, matt. man, i love him. there are so many times when i have wondered, even out loud, why are we together?! these moments, thankfully, are fleeting and each day when i settle in at night, i pray that God blesses us with a lifetime of memories together. even at our worst, we are better together than we are apart. matt understands what scares me most and he allows me the validation of that fear along with the reassurance that he will rescue me from anything and everything. and i know that even though he isn't able to save me from what's hard in my life, he will never let me walk my road alone. he knows, too, that each step he takes he has a partner in me and that our future together is bright.
my kids are the most obvious of all of my blessings and it goes without saying that i am thankful for each of them. sophie is as much a miracle as ellee and casey are. it was only a MOMENT ago that matt and i thought we would never have children - to have three now is a gift. don't get me wrong, there are days that my kids, each in there own unique way, drive the poop right out of me. they are loud, they are messy, and they are demanding. but even still - at night when i am cleaning up the mess in the silence of their sleep - i miss them being with me. being their mom is the most valuable job i will ever have and i am energized at the responsibility i have been given. i'm overwhelmed at the thought of me writing a similar blog a year from now when i can talk about our fourth baby - another daughter whose arrival in march is as exciting to us as it is to her siblings. i love to hear them talk about the impending arrival of baby #4 - they are so excited and it makes me feel good to know that THAT'S all they know - that every family member is a BLESSING and is something to be excited about. even when they haven't even been born yet. what a gift - i'm so thankful!
there are tangible things too...matt and i are so blessed in having a house to live in, cars to drive and jobs to drive them to. we have friends who love us and who we love. we have family who have proven that they will outstretch their hands when we need to be pulled back to shore and who will provide for us constant love and support. and what's more amazing, is that we have these pillars both here in minnesota AND far away from us in michigan and in illinois. in case we haven't told you recently, we are thankful for each of you.
so it's thanksgiving time, and i am so thankful!
now...how was your taco?!
i am thankful for another year that i have been given with my partner in life, my husband, matt. man, i love him. there are so many times when i have wondered, even out loud, why are we together?! these moments, thankfully, are fleeting and each day when i settle in at night, i pray that God blesses us with a lifetime of memories together. even at our worst, we are better together than we are apart. matt understands what scares me most and he allows me the validation of that fear along with the reassurance that he will rescue me from anything and everything. and i know that even though he isn't able to save me from what's hard in my life, he will never let me walk my road alone. he knows, too, that each step he takes he has a partner in me and that our future together is bright.
my kids are the most obvious of all of my blessings and it goes without saying that i am thankful for each of them. sophie is as much a miracle as ellee and casey are. it was only a MOMENT ago that matt and i thought we would never have children - to have three now is a gift. don't get me wrong, there are days that my kids, each in there own unique way, drive the poop right out of me. they are loud, they are messy, and they are demanding. but even still - at night when i am cleaning up the mess in the silence of their sleep - i miss them being with me. being their mom is the most valuable job i will ever have and i am energized at the responsibility i have been given. i'm overwhelmed at the thought of me writing a similar blog a year from now when i can talk about our fourth baby - another daughter whose arrival in march is as exciting to us as it is to her siblings. i love to hear them talk about the impending arrival of baby #4 - they are so excited and it makes me feel good to know that THAT'S all they know - that every family member is a BLESSING and is something to be excited about. even when they haven't even been born yet. what a gift - i'm so thankful!
there are tangible things too...matt and i are so blessed in having a house to live in, cars to drive and jobs to drive them to. we have friends who love us and who we love. we have family who have proven that they will outstretch their hands when we need to be pulled back to shore and who will provide for us constant love and support. and what's more amazing, is that we have these pillars both here in minnesota AND far away from us in michigan and in illinois. in case we haven't told you recently, we are thankful for each of you.
so it's thanksgiving time, and i am so thankful!
now...how was your taco?!
Monday, November 2, 2009
is this inappropriate?
growing up, we're taught that money is a taboo topic - not to be discussed outside the bonds of blood or marriage, and sometimes not even then. i wonder now, though, why?
every person i know has seen someone - some idiot that they went to school with or played sports with or knew in some way - make it big. they have the brains of your 4 year old, but the bank account of bill gates. while that reality remains frustrating for me, it has always been something that i have brushed aside...something that i could justify away by feeling so called to be in the profession that i have been in, be it a big paycheck or small one.
but - and this is a new and humbling 'but' - this is a new season for matt and me. one where we have made changes in our life that mean we get more time with the kids, but make significantly less money than we ever had. i am working part time in a job that doesn't mean much to me as far as a 'career' goes. matt works so hard and gives so much! while he is working toward something in the future - toward greater opportunity - for now, it is a gamble and it's hard.
while i know that these job-choices we made are for the greatest good and that it is a good choice to spend more time together as a family, when it's bill-paying time, how can i NOT wonder if these are the right choices - and not the selfish ones?
for the first time in our working life, matt and i are faced with real challenge when it comes to staying 'above water'. sure, we have had to save before - whether for the adoption, or a house - but this feels very different. for the first time, money is a hard thing to come by and this makes us worry and doubt and question. why is it that when storm clouds come, so do our ulcers? as a friend of mine said to me recently - when we know we will be provided for, why is it that we worry at all?
i wish i could trust that when God makes something so clear, it means it's right - even if it's so hard.
these choices have left me dealing with some difficult realities: yes, we have debt. yes, we have stress. yes, we are making hard choices. but our reality also includes the fact that we have food and we have a home and we have 3.5 beautiful children who love us and who are being molded by our greater presence.
even more - i am comforted that we are not alone in this in any sense of the word. we have many friends that face a similar situation - that are making similarly difficult choices. why, then, i wonder, is money such a taboo topic when it is so closely related to the choices that we, as chirstians, make for ourselves and our families? why do i feel so weird writing about it?!
hmmm...work through that one with me, will you?
just know that in the end, friends, we are praying for you. these days are not easy, but i am sure the reward is great. as i pray for you - will you all continue to pray for us too?
may we all be blessed in our hard choices and the consequences that follow.
every person i know has seen someone - some idiot that they went to school with or played sports with or knew in some way - make it big. they have the brains of your 4 year old, but the bank account of bill gates. while that reality remains frustrating for me, it has always been something that i have brushed aside...something that i could justify away by feeling so called to be in the profession that i have been in, be it a big paycheck or small one.
but - and this is a new and humbling 'but' - this is a new season for matt and me. one where we have made changes in our life that mean we get more time with the kids, but make significantly less money than we ever had. i am working part time in a job that doesn't mean much to me as far as a 'career' goes. matt works so hard and gives so much! while he is working toward something in the future - toward greater opportunity - for now, it is a gamble and it's hard.
while i know that these job-choices we made are for the greatest good and that it is a good choice to spend more time together as a family, when it's bill-paying time, how can i NOT wonder if these are the right choices - and not the selfish ones?
for the first time in our working life, matt and i are faced with real challenge when it comes to staying 'above water'. sure, we have had to save before - whether for the adoption, or a house - but this feels very different. for the first time, money is a hard thing to come by and this makes us worry and doubt and question. why is it that when storm clouds come, so do our ulcers? as a friend of mine said to me recently - when we know we will be provided for, why is it that we worry at all?
i wish i could trust that when God makes something so clear, it means it's right - even if it's so hard.
these choices have left me dealing with some difficult realities: yes, we have debt. yes, we have stress. yes, we are making hard choices. but our reality also includes the fact that we have food and we have a home and we have 3.5 beautiful children who love us and who are being molded by our greater presence.
even more - i am comforted that we are not alone in this in any sense of the word. we have many friends that face a similar situation - that are making similarly difficult choices. why, then, i wonder, is money such a taboo topic when it is so closely related to the choices that we, as chirstians, make for ourselves and our families? why do i feel so weird writing about it?!
hmmm...work through that one with me, will you?
just know that in the end, friends, we are praying for you. these days are not easy, but i am sure the reward is great. as i pray for you - will you all continue to pray for us too?
may we all be blessed in our hard choices and the consequences that follow.
Monday, October 19, 2009
the awkward phone call
i feel like we were dating, blog readers - and then i didn't return your phone calls for three months.
well...ring ring. ring ring.
i'm so sorry for being blog-AWOL for so many weeks - but no worries, things in the schans household have been moving along as they have from the beginning.
my blogcation aligns with the discovery that matt and i will be expanding our family again - yep, the worst kept secret in the world is that we are expecting baby #4 in march! almost immediately after finding out our news, i began to feel the symptoms of this growing blessing! never in my life have i been sicker than throughout the first 14 weeks of this pregnancy. the truth is, on the quiet nights where i would normally blog about the day's funny adventures, i would instead sit motionless on my giant beige recliner in a battle with my body - trying not to lose whatever food or drink i had ingested that day. yeah, it was that bad. slowly though, the symptoms have waned and i am officially a functioning human again with only the occasional bowt of sickness to dampen the day.
in a quick summary of what the 2nd half of summer looked like....
1. we went on a fantastic vacation to oconomowoc, wisconsin (please see the announcement above...be warned about vacations and alcohol-induced decision making skills.) and nothing will ever be the same again...in a good way. :)
2. tinker bell made a pit stop at our house when she was in the neighborhood. she was kind enough to take all of ellee's passies to divvy out to new babies as she sees fit. as a reward, she left sophie and ellee new fish - it was adorable until the fish died three days in. thanks, tinkerbell, for that life-lesson.
3. i was sick every second of everyday in august.
4. i started a new job! what company doesn't love it when their new employee shows up pregnant on the first day? and how awesome to use ALL of your vacation time within the first three months on hospital visits and sickness spells. whoohooo. seriously though, the job is a whole other blog...i'll get to it another day.
5. matt's parent's came for a visit. please see #3 for my level of participation and involvement, but from what i hear, they had a great time going to baseball games, dinners out and going for walks. the kids LOVE having their grandma and grandpa schans for visits!
6. sophie started preschool! she loves going three mornings a week - and although she got in trouble once for hiding under the table when it was 'clean-up' time, things seem to be moving right along quiet nicely...i'm really hoping for a scholarship in her future. she may be our only hope as ellee cannot master dressing/undressing or potty training and casey still refuses to speak. books for sophie, balls for ellee and casey. don't judge. i'm kidding...kind of. but seriously, the amount of time spent on the mentioned activites above has been pretty significant this summer (and fall!) and they are works in progress for our two littlest loves.
7. i got h1n1. yeah - that was another 7 days of sickness.
8. matt proved his worth again! in a post-rage moment (brought on by my inability to find a clean king-sized pillowcase) matt reminded me that it's ok that our house is a mess and that it will be for the entirety of our foreseeable future because at this point in our lives, we are in survival mode. phew - honestly, this new revelation is my life's most application mantra and i use it daily. i am in survival mode - now please don't look in the laundry room, it's dangerous.
so there it is - our summer in an instant. at times it felt just that fast. as usual, though, it was an adventure to be sure and our blessings are many.
i have missed you, my blog, and i am happy to be back.
well...ring ring. ring ring.
i'm so sorry for being blog-AWOL for so many weeks - but no worries, things in the schans household have been moving along as they have from the beginning.
my blogcation aligns with the discovery that matt and i will be expanding our family again - yep, the worst kept secret in the world is that we are expecting baby #4 in march! almost immediately after finding out our news, i began to feel the symptoms of this growing blessing! never in my life have i been sicker than throughout the first 14 weeks of this pregnancy. the truth is, on the quiet nights where i would normally blog about the day's funny adventures, i would instead sit motionless on my giant beige recliner in a battle with my body - trying not to lose whatever food or drink i had ingested that day. yeah, it was that bad. slowly though, the symptoms have waned and i am officially a functioning human again with only the occasional bowt of sickness to dampen the day.
in a quick summary of what the 2nd half of summer looked like....
1. we went on a fantastic vacation to oconomowoc, wisconsin (please see the announcement above...be warned about vacations and alcohol-induced decision making skills.) and nothing will ever be the same again...in a good way. :)
2. tinker bell made a pit stop at our house when she was in the neighborhood. she was kind enough to take all of ellee's passies to divvy out to new babies as she sees fit. as a reward, she left sophie and ellee new fish - it was adorable until the fish died three days in. thanks, tinkerbell, for that life-lesson.
3. i was sick every second of everyday in august.
4. i started a new job! what company doesn't love it when their new employee shows up pregnant on the first day? and how awesome to use ALL of your vacation time within the first three months on hospital visits and sickness spells. whoohooo. seriously though, the job is a whole other blog...i'll get to it another day.
5. matt's parent's came for a visit. please see #3 for my level of participation and involvement, but from what i hear, they had a great time going to baseball games, dinners out and going for walks. the kids LOVE having their grandma and grandpa schans for visits!
6. sophie started preschool! she loves going three mornings a week - and although she got in trouble once for hiding under the table when it was 'clean-up' time, things seem to be moving right along quiet nicely...i'm really hoping for a scholarship in her future. she may be our only hope as ellee cannot master dressing/undressing or potty training and casey still refuses to speak. books for sophie, balls for ellee and casey. don't judge. i'm kidding...kind of. but seriously, the amount of time spent on the mentioned activites above has been pretty significant this summer (and fall!) and they are works in progress for our two littlest loves.
7. i got h1n1. yeah - that was another 7 days of sickness.
8. matt proved his worth again! in a post-rage moment (brought on by my inability to find a clean king-sized pillowcase) matt reminded me that it's ok that our house is a mess and that it will be for the entirety of our foreseeable future because at this point in our lives, we are in survival mode. phew - honestly, this new revelation is my life's most application mantra and i use it daily. i am in survival mode - now please don't look in the laundry room, it's dangerous.
so there it is - our summer in an instant. at times it felt just that fast. as usual, though, it was an adventure to be sure and our blessings are many.
i have missed you, my blog, and i am happy to be back.
Monday, July 27, 2009
hear me lord - save him for all of our sake's
who cares if sophie cuts all of her hair off. who cares if ellee is awake until 12am refusing to go to sleep. who cares if casey throws more temper tantrums than what any baby should.
when i read about what some mom's are going through, the things that drive me nuts about my kids literally disappear and i am overwhelmed with gratitude for every minute i have with them.
my babies are healthy and that is not something that every mother can say. please pray with me for stellan and his mom. their blog is listed below - my charming kids.
never doubt for a minute that prayer matters - God hears us and in this case, He needs to for stellan's sake.
so pray with me for stellan and for his family. and enjoy your kids every minute.
when i read about what some mom's are going through, the things that drive me nuts about my kids literally disappear and i am overwhelmed with gratitude for every minute i have with them.
my babies are healthy and that is not something that every mother can say. please pray with me for stellan and his mom. their blog is listed below - my charming kids.
never doubt for a minute that prayer matters - God hears us and in this case, He needs to for stellan's sake.
so pray with me for stellan and for his family. and enjoy your kids every minute.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
put the scissors in a lock box.
my mom told me when i called in tears that it was bound to happen. matt and i can't pin down the exact moment of when the scissors were found...but without fail they were found...by sophie.
when she came to me and asked to snuggle, i grabbed her into my arms without even looking at her. when i opened my eyes, i was eye to eye with her.
sophie enjoyed her spa experience immensely - she smiled at the attention from the countless hair dressers who came over to tell her that 'it would be ok' and that she would 'look like a princess' before they were done. she loved having her hair washed in the sink, and was drunk with the aromas of hairspray and makeup. i was sweating like a pig and hoping i could stave off a panic attack as visions of her pre-school pictures ran through my head.
when she came to me and asked to snuggle, i grabbed her into my arms without even looking at her. when i opened my eyes, i was eye to eye with her.
my heart sank and the following words ran through my head 'what the BEEP?! what the BEEP happened to your hair? what were you BEEPING thinking?! '
thankfully, what came out of my mouth was 'sophie, did you cut your hair?'
smiling sweetly, she nodded yes.
sophie had found a small scissors in the downstairs playroom. when pressed, she showed matt where she had hidden them along with her the long locks of hair she trimmed from the front of her head.
before taking her to my salon to survey the damage and see what could be done, i did pause, between tears (mine, not hers), to take a picture.
sophie enjoyed her spa experience immensely - she smiled at the attention from the countless hair dressers who came over to tell her that 'it would be ok' and that she would 'look like a princess' before they were done. she loved having her hair washed in the sink, and was drunk with the aromas of hairspray and makeup. i was sweating like a pig and hoping i could stave off a panic attack as visions of her pre-school pictures ran through my head.
the end result is not...horrible...although it's not great either. you be the judge...but ask yourself this...do you know where your scissors are?
Friday, July 24, 2009
detox
over the past year, i have been somewhat unknowingly existing within a sink or swim mentality. at this point last year, matt and i were just beginning transition to minnesota living. i had been offered a dream job at the university of minnesota and matt had found work that would allow him to stay at home with our precious babes. even more, we had found a house and we were seemingly beginning to make IT happen. i guess in my mind, IT meant that we would begin a life that was filled with contentment. we never, not even for a moment, thought that out life would magically become something different than it was - raising kids wouldn't get easier, but now that we had made the move, things would become more ....regular.
so i began to work...we moved into our house...matt began at ups...we looked for a church...you know, all the regular stuff that people do in order to begin...being....regular?
over the course of the year, i could feel myself becoming sad. the excitement of new opportunities began to wane while the reality of life set it. work was hard and it was long. the commute was stressful and money was tight. matt was tired...all the time. and who wouldn't be after working all night and then waking up early to be with the kids all day? i missed my friends - my community of support that i love like they are family. being away from them was proving difficult and the idea of replacing them with new friends seemed foreign and unimaginable. i began to grow a bit weary...not just tired, but weary.
i wasn't getting enough sleep at night and in response, i began to consume huge amounts of coffee everyday - ugh - did you know that while coffee will keep you awake, it cannot make you feel rested?!! i also continued to take my prescription lexapro. i had been prescribed it after i had casey for some post-partum anxiety and while my initial plan was to get off of it as soon as possible, it became really convenient to feel 'in the middle' about everything. not really happy, but not really sad either. when things within our plan to become 'regular' were not panning out...i was grateful to feel as little as possible about most things.
finally, work began to take more from me that what it was giving - by ten fold. i have never seen my calling change so swiftly as when i began working full-time at the u. all i did each day was feel badly about being away from my kids. i was miserable...and it was not long before we could not ignore what we knew to be true.
so three things... three big decisions:
1. i quit my job - kids are young only once and i decided to not miss it.
2. i stopped taking lexapro - feeling scared about things is better than feeling nothing.
3. i would break myself of my caffeine addiction - i love coffee...but too much of a good thing can turn against you! in my case, the need for coffee is a symptom of a bigger problem - being tired! my goal now is to stop with my need to have everything 'done' each day. when i'm tired, i'm gonna stop. the cleaning will wait. the laundry will be there. sleep will become a priority.
so... i have been in my own personal detox for about 10 days now. i started with quitting my job...and no offence to anyone working at the u, but it felt awesome! i will begin my new part-time position as the director of a christian pre-school/daycare on monday! i am relieved to have left a position that took my energy only to be blessed with a job working with christians in an educational setting!! my new job will allow me to work 12-6pm. while i will get home a smidge later in the night, i will have all morning everyday with my kids - we feel really blessed! while money will be tight, our cups will be full.
over the last week, i have stopped my medication and have cut my caffeine intake more than in half!! it feels amazing to literally see the fog melt away from my mind. i can focus on my children, my husband and ...gasp...myself. seeing my kids and loving them without restrictions has been beyond what i remembered. i feel tidal waves of emotion for them. it's lovely to feel great - out of 'the middle' to be sure. God has also allowed me to feel weak and scared and overwhelmed. poetically, the people i love and trust have been there to help me calm my fears when needed.
so...that's it. life, once again, is changing for the schans family. but for the first time in a long time, it feels like we are heading in the right direction. day by day, i am beginning to wonder if matt and i will ever be regular...to be honest, i doubt that we will. we may move 16 more times, we may take new jobs every three months, and we may have a family that looks very different than what we ever thought it would. and my response? great! eat my unconventional dust, 'regular', and while i try not to define my life, i would encourage others to do the same. it's a lot more fun!
so i began to work...we moved into our house...matt began at ups...we looked for a church...you know, all the regular stuff that people do in order to begin...being....regular?
over the course of the year, i could feel myself becoming sad. the excitement of new opportunities began to wane while the reality of life set it. work was hard and it was long. the commute was stressful and money was tight. matt was tired...all the time. and who wouldn't be after working all night and then waking up early to be with the kids all day? i missed my friends - my community of support that i love like they are family. being away from them was proving difficult and the idea of replacing them with new friends seemed foreign and unimaginable. i began to grow a bit weary...not just tired, but weary.
i wasn't getting enough sleep at night and in response, i began to consume huge amounts of coffee everyday - ugh - did you know that while coffee will keep you awake, it cannot make you feel rested?!! i also continued to take my prescription lexapro. i had been prescribed it after i had casey for some post-partum anxiety and while my initial plan was to get off of it as soon as possible, it became really convenient to feel 'in the middle' about everything. not really happy, but not really sad either. when things within our plan to become 'regular' were not panning out...i was grateful to feel as little as possible about most things.
finally, work began to take more from me that what it was giving - by ten fold. i have never seen my calling change so swiftly as when i began working full-time at the u. all i did each day was feel badly about being away from my kids. i was miserable...and it was not long before we could not ignore what we knew to be true.
so three things... three big decisions:
1. i quit my job - kids are young only once and i decided to not miss it.
2. i stopped taking lexapro - feeling scared about things is better than feeling nothing.
3. i would break myself of my caffeine addiction - i love coffee...but too much of a good thing can turn against you! in my case, the need for coffee is a symptom of a bigger problem - being tired! my goal now is to stop with my need to have everything 'done' each day. when i'm tired, i'm gonna stop. the cleaning will wait. the laundry will be there. sleep will become a priority.
so... i have been in my own personal detox for about 10 days now. i started with quitting my job...and no offence to anyone working at the u, but it felt awesome! i will begin my new part-time position as the director of a christian pre-school/daycare on monday! i am relieved to have left a position that took my energy only to be blessed with a job working with christians in an educational setting!! my new job will allow me to work 12-6pm. while i will get home a smidge later in the night, i will have all morning everyday with my kids - we feel really blessed! while money will be tight, our cups will be full.
over the last week, i have stopped my medication and have cut my caffeine intake more than in half!! it feels amazing to literally see the fog melt away from my mind. i can focus on my children, my husband and ...gasp...myself. seeing my kids and loving them without restrictions has been beyond what i remembered. i feel tidal waves of emotion for them. it's lovely to feel great - out of 'the middle' to be sure. God has also allowed me to feel weak and scared and overwhelmed. poetically, the people i love and trust have been there to help me calm my fears when needed.
so...that's it. life, once again, is changing for the schans family. but for the first time in a long time, it feels like we are heading in the right direction. day by day, i am beginning to wonder if matt and i will ever be regular...to be honest, i doubt that we will. we may move 16 more times, we may take new jobs every three months, and we may have a family that looks very different than what we ever thought it would. and my response? great! eat my unconventional dust, 'regular', and while i try not to define my life, i would encourage others to do the same. it's a lot more fun!
sum sum summertime summertiiiiiiime!
just a sampling of some fun summertime activities at the schans house!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
poop and popcorn - 16 steps to sanity
so this afternoon was a doozy and here's how it all went down.
1. sophie and ellee wanted to run through the sprinkler.
2. against my better judgment (it was about 4:30pm at this point), i relented and allowed it.
3. in a desperate attempt to flee from the freezing sprinkler water, ellee raced toward me. in doing so, she missed a step on the deck and took a hard fall and scraped her elbow and knee.
4. i picked up my screaming middle child and tended to her wounds and tried to calm her down so that i could get dinner started.
5. with casey and sophie both wondering about the kitchen and ellee recovering on the couch, i began making dinner.
6. i successfully got three grilled cheese sandwiches going on the griddle and a pot of tomato soup heating on the stove. with that, ellee begins screaming again in an effort to alert me to the fact that she had pooped and pottied on the dining room floor. arg.
7. i strip her of her bathing suit, and raced to casey's bedroom knowing that the clock is ticking on dinner and that a nasty pile of 'elleeness' is steaming on the floor in the dining room. just as i grabbed a diaper and turned the corner to head back to the disaster zone, literally 3 second later, i heard a crash followed by a scream. double arg.
8. i run to the kitchen to find casey - laying on the floor, on his back, in the 'elleeness.' he had wandered into it, lost his footing, and fallen into the mess that ellee had delivered on the floor.
9. without thinking, i scoop him up and hug him close - yes, that's right. i hugged my poop covered baby close. after checking all limbs for broken bones, i begin to clean him up.
10. suddenly, a flash runs through my mind - grilled cheese! i put naked casey down to play with his two naked sisters (ellee naked from me stripping off her bathing suit, sophie naked when she realized an opportunity to join in the fun, casey naked from his poop fall).
11. i flip the semi-burned grilled cheese and strip the boiling tomato soup from the coil. quickly, i clean the table, i cut up the sandwiches, i bowl up the soup - all the while tuning out the fighting going on in the living room.
12. by 5:15pm all the children under my care were eating their favorite dinner and sipping their cups of milk. naked.
13. by 5:45 they had finished eating and the race to start movie night had begun. i was counting the minutes until mary poppins took charge of my children for the next hour while they were busy snuggling up with each other and staring longingly at the tv.
14. all moms can relate to the seemingly eternal minutes that it can take to actually get a movie going. in this case, the calm from dinner soon gave way to the storm of toddler fatigue. sophie demanded that i fast forward through the previews, casey was into the refrigerator, i knew i would have to eventually dress them again, my head felt hot and my heart was beating fast...i began to feel like i was losing the battle. suddenly...through the madness...i hear sophie's voice say to me sweetly 'mommy, are you going to make us 'cockporn'?' with that, everything that was bad and that was frustrating me to the point of break down disappeared in a gut shaking, can't breathe, tear-filled laugh.
15. i made the kids their popcorn and they peacefully let mary take them away.
16. deep breath. i made it.
for all those moments when things seem impossible, hold fast. God is faithful and he has a serious sense of humor.
1. sophie and ellee wanted to run through the sprinkler.
2. against my better judgment (it was about 4:30pm at this point), i relented and allowed it.
3. in a desperate attempt to flee from the freezing sprinkler water, ellee raced toward me. in doing so, she missed a step on the deck and took a hard fall and scraped her elbow and knee.
4. i picked up my screaming middle child and tended to her wounds and tried to calm her down so that i could get dinner started.
5. with casey and sophie both wondering about the kitchen and ellee recovering on the couch, i began making dinner.
6. i successfully got three grilled cheese sandwiches going on the griddle and a pot of tomato soup heating on the stove. with that, ellee begins screaming again in an effort to alert me to the fact that she had pooped and pottied on the dining room floor. arg.
7. i strip her of her bathing suit, and raced to casey's bedroom knowing that the clock is ticking on dinner and that a nasty pile of 'elleeness' is steaming on the floor in the dining room. just as i grabbed a diaper and turned the corner to head back to the disaster zone, literally 3 second later, i heard a crash followed by a scream. double arg.
8. i run to the kitchen to find casey - laying on the floor, on his back, in the 'elleeness.' he had wandered into it, lost his footing, and fallen into the mess that ellee had delivered on the floor.
9. without thinking, i scoop him up and hug him close - yes, that's right. i hugged my poop covered baby close. after checking all limbs for broken bones, i begin to clean him up.
10. suddenly, a flash runs through my mind - grilled cheese! i put naked casey down to play with his two naked sisters (ellee naked from me stripping off her bathing suit, sophie naked when she realized an opportunity to join in the fun, casey naked from his poop fall).
11. i flip the semi-burned grilled cheese and strip the boiling tomato soup from the coil. quickly, i clean the table, i cut up the sandwiches, i bowl up the soup - all the while tuning out the fighting going on in the living room.
12. by 5:15pm all the children under my care were eating their favorite dinner and sipping their cups of milk. naked.
13. by 5:45 they had finished eating and the race to start movie night had begun. i was counting the minutes until mary poppins took charge of my children for the next hour while they were busy snuggling up with each other and staring longingly at the tv.
14. all moms can relate to the seemingly eternal minutes that it can take to actually get a movie going. in this case, the calm from dinner soon gave way to the storm of toddler fatigue. sophie demanded that i fast forward through the previews, casey was into the refrigerator, i knew i would have to eventually dress them again, my head felt hot and my heart was beating fast...i began to feel like i was losing the battle. suddenly...through the madness...i hear sophie's voice say to me sweetly 'mommy, are you going to make us 'cockporn'?' with that, everything that was bad and that was frustrating me to the point of break down disappeared in a gut shaking, can't breathe, tear-filled laugh.
15. i made the kids their popcorn and they peacefully let mary take them away.
16. deep breath. i made it.
for all those moments when things seem impossible, hold fast. God is faithful and he has a serious sense of humor.
Monday, June 15, 2009
a day off work means a trip to the zoo!
we finally got to como zoo today - it was hot and sticky and all around fun! the kids were great! sophie and ellee loved the monkeys, the sea lion and the giraffes. casey was amazing zooming around through the crowds in his mac-daddy stroller. all around great day!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
now that it's been a year of blogging...
in looking back at the first posts of this blog and consequently thinking through why it is i blog at all, i have determined two things...
1. i love that this is a place where i can post pictures of the most treasured people in my life. i love that i can look back over the course of the year(s) and watch how they have grown. i love that i can chronicle our visitors - the people who come and go, in and out of our life and our home. i think those things are really meaningful.
2. i find it so helpful to spell out what is going through my mind from week to week. i use it as my own personal therapy - but i have said before that i think God uses writing as a way for me to SEE His plan for me and for us. by reading and refining what i write so that the words say what i mean them to, i can also shed light onto a sometimes really fuzzy path.
i find it much harder, however, to pay enough attention to #2. it's hard to write out what i am thinking and feeling. i compare it to sunbathing in a bikini in your front yard - can any good really come of that? but to see the sequence of letters that spell out what is difficult and stressful is important. after all, it's easy to write a funny story about work or to lament the actions of children, but it's harder to talk about being the 'captain of this ship.' the tides our life are strong and the current it set - but what happens on board can almost always knock me on my keester. to be more clear, i know that God's plan is present. The Holy Spirit is in our sail, but the feeling of fluidity under my feet is scary and unsettling.
writing about these 'hard' things...my story's pivitol moments, helps me to see the light that is being shed on my path. these moments are my own personal flashlight...sometimes i may only be able to see a small trail to make my way through, but it has always (and will always, i trust) lead me to the place i need to be.
all that to say that i will continue to write out what's up in the world of this party of five. i will continue to shed light on what's hard and what's great. i will also continue to post pictures! their value is no less, even if it's a lot easier to do!!
i have some topics that i am planning to explore soon...the content of my book, carrie's trip to minnesota, finding a part-time job in order to solve a full-time challenge, adjusting to minnesota while processing through our future and where we'll land...so much to learn!!
thanks for being a part of this...so much of it is just for me, but that fact that it has allowed me and my family to stay connected with those we love so much has been a blessing beyond what i can write.
be strong - enjoy mastering your own trails - and be in touch!
shannon
1. i love that this is a place where i can post pictures of the most treasured people in my life. i love that i can look back over the course of the year(s) and watch how they have grown. i love that i can chronicle our visitors - the people who come and go, in and out of our life and our home. i think those things are really meaningful.
2. i find it so helpful to spell out what is going through my mind from week to week. i use it as my own personal therapy - but i have said before that i think God uses writing as a way for me to SEE His plan for me and for us. by reading and refining what i write so that the words say what i mean them to, i can also shed light onto a sometimes really fuzzy path.
i find it much harder, however, to pay enough attention to #2. it's hard to write out what i am thinking and feeling. i compare it to sunbathing in a bikini in your front yard - can any good really come of that? but to see the sequence of letters that spell out what is difficult and stressful is important. after all, it's easy to write a funny story about work or to lament the actions of children, but it's harder to talk about being the 'captain of this ship.' the tides our life are strong and the current it set - but what happens on board can almost always knock me on my keester. to be more clear, i know that God's plan is present. The Holy Spirit is in our sail, but the feeling of fluidity under my feet is scary and unsettling.
writing about these 'hard' things...my story's pivitol moments, helps me to see the light that is being shed on my path. these moments are my own personal flashlight...sometimes i may only be able to see a small trail to make my way through, but it has always (and will always, i trust) lead me to the place i need to be.
all that to say that i will continue to write out what's up in the world of this party of five. i will continue to shed light on what's hard and what's great. i will also continue to post pictures! their value is no less, even if it's a lot easier to do!!
i have some topics that i am planning to explore soon...the content of my book, carrie's trip to minnesota, finding a part-time job in order to solve a full-time challenge, adjusting to minnesota while processing through our future and where we'll land...so much to learn!!
thanks for being a part of this...so much of it is just for me, but that fact that it has allowed me and my family to stay connected with those we love so much has been a blessing beyond what i can write.
be strong - enjoy mastering your own trails - and be in touch!
shannon
Saturday, June 6, 2009
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