sophie's christmas outfit. we are so proud...

a blizzard on a saturday? perfect!

the girls and i spent some quality time enjoying mother nature's best this morning! after casey went down for nap #1, we headed outside to enjoy blizzard #1...well maybe it wasn't exactly a blizzard, but it was enough to really enjoy! with everything that we have had to do lately with chirstmas shopping, work, dance classes and house work - there is nothing i would have rather done with my day! what a blessing from the One who knows what we need and gives it in abundance! oh...and yes...ellee did end up wearing matt's gloves. hysterical in pictures.

the aftermath...two TIRED kiddies...a hidden treasure for a sleepy mom! :)

first - so sorry to have bummed everyone out with may last post! i am so thankful for the outpouring of prayers and support as we try to figure this all out! we love you all so much and are so grateful for you!

next - it's christmas! a time for us to be celebrating the blessings that are all around us! what a gift to be surrounded by our children throughout this holiday season!

last weekend my sister pampered me by taking me for an early christmas present! she brought me to 'turbo nails' to get my nails done! what a treat! even though i can't type at all with them, they are pretty!


i also was able to capture some christmas shots of the kids in front of the tree! it was great to see them so excited about the lights and the ornaments!



we are praying for you that you are celebrating the joy in this season too! with the end of the year upon us, i am reminded at all the milestones that are coming our way. in 2009, we will celebrate sophie's 3 year 'gotcha' day and her 4th birthday! ellee will turn 2 and casey will turn one! somewhere in there, matt and i will mark our 8th anniversary and we will enjoy our first full summer in our new house! i am moved to feel nothing but blessed!

below are some other random pictures and fun times are pictured too. we are thinking about those folks who are far away and are anticipating seeing so many people we hold near and dear soon! blessings to you all!

i wanna do something that i can't

today is a hard one - you would think it's tuesday or something!! there are just some days that no matter how great work is going, i just want to stay home. no no...not just stay home for the day, but stay home. forever.

i want to wake up to the sounds of my kids calling for their mom - not to the sound of my alarm clock screaming at me. i want to give them hugs and snuggle lazily on the couch in our jammies. i want to pick out their clothes and take them outside and make snow angels. i want to watch them grow up - not just hear about it.

i feel like i am missing it. it breaks my heart.

matt bares the opposite burden. he longs to be out - working.

i am forced to just wonder - to sit and be still in the circumstances that we find ourselves in. we are waiting for something. a push, an answer, a solution. while we weather this season of discontent, i ask for your prayers.

7 highlights in 7 days...what a week!

this time of year is a blast! these last couple of weeks have been filled with some super fun things...below are a few highlights!

1. heather and i are at it again! this time we painted the dining room! from 'milk toast' to 'sunny day'!

2. i was in charge of bringing sweet potatoes for thanksgiving dinner - so of course - i dropped them down my basement stairs. sweet. potatoes.

3. we had a SUPER time when our michigan counterparts visited us here in minnesota. seriously, we had a blast and cannot thank them enough for coming! dave and missy - we love you!

4. i bought a hair straightener and promptly transformed sophie into ann curry and then promised her chocolate if she would agree to pose for a photo shoot. seriously people - ann curry. am i right?

5. sophie had dance class - man she is cute!

6. ellee learned to be a snake! she started to slither around and say 'sssssss'. what a cutie!

7. casey remained a stud - here is a picture to prove it. :)

and who do you think you are?

there have been so many things spinning in this brain of mine...stirred on, perhaps, by God speaking to my heart. don't you agree that you are so much more likely to find an answer or a new direction when you're not really looking, but rather just trying to survive?!

here's the deal - i have been thinking about writing a book. eeek...it sounds so presumptuous to even write that sentence. who do i think i am, right?! people who write books know things. they have information to share or wisdom to pass on. they have experience beyond that of the ordinary folk like me and they are gifted enough to write it down in a way that then educates and inspires people. if not that, then at least they can tell a good story!

i don't assume that any of these things are true of me. no no. i fully embrace the fact that i am just a normal person with a normal story - i am the every man (or every woman in this case :) )

but here's the deal....i know myself enough to recognize how i learn - it's through reflection. i could never do flashcards or timed tests. from kindergarten to now - my method for learning something is through writing it out - and then reflecting on it. this is why i want to write a book - i think it would help me to be a better version of myself. even more, i want to write a book because i think that for whatever reason, it's something that God intends for the tapestry of my life.

so...am i crazy? absolutely. is this the things that makes me crazy? absolutely not. so...who do i think i am? i guess i think i'm a writer.

just thought casey needed a shout out...

sometimes i feel like the schans men get a bit blognored - that is to say they get less 'play' on the blog - let's remedy this. below are some recent casey shots. see, we do love him. :) next target - matt. i will see what i can do about that one!

taking out the trash and other simple things

i am finally getting over a bout with a nasty illness and can finally begin to see things without a drug induced fog - ahhhh, life is good.

tonight i am indulging in some simple pleasures...it's amazing to me that such silly things still are so thrilling to me. first, i was able to go with sophie and watch as she participated in her very first dance class! i was literally beaming with pride. she looked as cute as could be in her little dance outfit. i told folks today that i was going to live out my childhood fantasy through sophie. i outfitted her with a bedazzled black leotard, a little black chiffon dance skirt and a pair of pink tights. all of these accessories paled in comparison to the smile on sophie's face when i opened the box to show her the new black patten leather shoes with fancy tap bottoms. she could hardly breathe - she was so excited. less so about the ballet slippers, but she got into them too when she realized that those were the shoes she would get to 'spin' in. for her first time, she did amazing. i am never prepared for how fearless she is - what a blessing. she sidled right up to the other dancers. no formal introductions were necessary - they all spoke the common language of 'dance'. hysterical .

surprisingly, ellee was super into the get up too - i sometimes forget that her little spirit is delicate - even if her demeanor is that of a line backer. when soph and i were looking at her dance gear, ellee grabbed the shoes and slipped them on. for every svelte move that sophie executed in the living room, ellee copied - and she did it well! i think that she may have a future at white bear dance academy as well! she is such a good reminder that one can never judge a book by it's cover. god has given her such a sweet heart - i cannot say enough how much i feel a connection to her. what a gift.

not surprisingly, casey had nothing to do with the dance fiasco. fear not - his days of athletic dominance will be upon us soon - his dad assures me. for now, i feel like he should focus on sitting up without help.

once sophie and i got home, it was dinner and bed for the kiddos. matt and i were able to chat a bit before he was off to work. i then was able to revel in the simple chores that fill my evenings. seriously, i feel like this is a direct answer to prayer! i have so enjoyed the tasks that owning a home brings. tonight in particular, i took out the trash. a task not to be taken for granted after years of trudging trash across sidewalks and parking lots only to throw it into raccoon infested dumpsters. yuck.

on to another task accomplished - home renovation. as is always the case in home improvement projects, i owe a dept of gratitude to my sister who helped me paint my kitchen. some pictures of our adventure are below. as i was snapping shots, i mentioned to heather that i am pretty sure i have the same images of her painting something in some room of every house we have ever lived in. what can i say, i would be lost without her.

life is moving fast and we are trying to enjoy these small details. our prayer is that we can seek out the will of God while enjoying the bessings he pours over us each day.

sophie's start...bringing us back....

it's friday, it's snowing and i found out that another friend is adopting! hearing that sue is began the process of adopting from haiti made me feel two things this morning: jealous and nostalgic. for those of you who waded through our own adoption journey with us might be shocked to hear me talking about wanting to relive those day, but it's true. even though they were so hard, i also remember feeling so alive in the process. we were doing something. we were actively pursuing God's will. it was gut-wrenching, but exhilarating. more than anything, i knew that in the end, we would have our daughter. amazing.

in any case, sue's process prompted me to look back at some of the old documents i have on my hard drive that we used throughout our own adoption. below is a reflection i put together as part of a grant application. while we didn't get the grant, what i got this morning was worth so much more. this story brought me BACK! here is a piece of it below...

I say now that I always new that my path to motherhood would not be “average”. I always knew that I would not be able to have biological children. Growing up I would guard myself from this inner truth by convincing others that I just didn’t want to have a family.

When I became a Christian at 18, I began to understand that my lifelong intuition about being unable to have biological children was in fact the voice of the Holy Spirit. It was God preparing my heart for what was ahead of me. Still, though, it wasn’t until I met husband that I allowed myself to ignore this truth and daydream about having a baby.

Two years into our marriage when we decided to begin our family, after several months, I went to the doctor for a complete work-up. By this time, the noise inside my excitement drowned out what I always knew to be true - that is until what I had been hearing in my heart since childhood was heard for the first time - out loud - by my doctor. The words “without in-vitro fertilization, you will not be able to conceive a child of our own” were spoken and in an instant, we were changed.

We were devastated. Truly we were lost in emotion. We were drifting – away from our friends, away from our family, away from each other. These months seemed to consume us and I began to wonder if this was what my life would be like.

About this same time, a dear friend of ours began to realize a lifelong dream of her own. She was nearing the end of her adoption journey. Her daughter, Elizabeth, was coming home soon and I remember so clearly thinking to myself that I would never want to adopt – it’s too expensive, too hard, too time consuming – I had so many excuses. Somehow though, I could not stop thinking about it.

Nadia and her husband Mark left for China on November 26, 2004 to meet their baby and to bring her home. I was on pins and needles, glued to my computer waiting to hear from them. Days past and then finally – an email message. I double clicked on Nadia’s email and instantly began to sob. What appeared on my screen was an image of God’s will come to life– it was the most beautiful picture of Elizabeth’s 'gotcha' moment. I cried at my desk. I cried for my grief, I cried for the year I had wasted feeling so sad, I cried because I had been so blind. When I saw those pictures, more than anything, I felt the breeze of the Holy Spirit move through my life. At that moment so many things were made clear to me. I heard so clearly in my heart a voice that said Matt and I would build our family through adoption…and we needed to do it now because our baby was waiting for us.

That night, lying in bed, I was quiet. I didn’t know how to tell Matt the news. How would it sound if I said “Matt, the Holy Spirit moved through me today and God told me we should adopt…and oh yeah, and we need to start now.” Before I could figure out what to say, Matt leaned over and said good night. In return, I blurted out “I think we should adopt”. To my surprise, his response was “me too”.

It turns out that he had been hesitant to talk with me because he thought I wasn’t ready to hear him. In truth, I think he was right – God needed to make it clear to us both before we could come together on this decision to begin our family. We began to pray and pray and pray. God answered us by allowing us peace like I had dreamed of. The excuses that once filled my mind were now ludicrous. Knowing that this was the will of God, our anxiety was gone and we knew that any hurdle we would face would be overcome. In the weeks to follow, we began our adoption journey and within just months from now, we will welcome home our first daughter, Sophia Kelly, from Korea.

trick or treat!

today was the day when i became the mother of a princess, a frog and a horse! we had so much fun walking around the neighborhood and trick or treating! what a treat for matt and me! the weather was beautiful and the kids were precious! sophie LOVED being transformed into a beautiful princess and ellee cherished the frog costume. she shouted 'ribbit' all over town! casey was a stud in his little horse onesie! thanks again to auntie kelli for lending us ALL of our costumes this year!

these are the days i pictured way back in the day when matt and i dreamed of having a family - to have it lived out for me tonight was magical. these kids run me ragged - but if anything was ever worth the work - it's them.

happy halloween!

untill tomorrow bordertown....

i am sitting in a coffee shop - on campus - over lunch. it's tuesday and i miss my kids.
i have always hated tuesdays - halfway to no where is what i used to say. its not close to sunday and definitely not close to friday. on days like today, i miss my kids.

so - hello sophie and ellee and casey! i hope you're having a really fun day with dad! mom misses you and send you hugs from minneapolis!

to all my 'i work outside the home' friends, send me a shout out when you read this...let me know what day of the week you loathe so i can both pray for you that day and so that i can feel a little better about my distaste for tuesdays!

on the upswing though - the coffee here is amazing. the university of minnesota is very involved in free trade and organic products - everything from the university dining services to the large-scale efforts to recycle. this coffee is both free trade and delicious! it's from a little shop on the edge of campus called bordertown. they also make amazing pastries in the morning and super good sandwiches in the afternoon. what's great is that students really support it even though it's a bit more expensive than say...starbucks. lots of students here are 'anti-starbucks' actually. you can imagine my shock! in any case - i have lots of meetings in this coffee shop and spend a good deal of time sitting in this very room - a perk of being assigned cubicle and not an office! i can meet in coffee shops! oh...the silver lining shines bright!

one other positive thing...it's almost 2pm! just a couple more hours until i'm home...

have a great night everyone! give your kiddies an extra hug and - if you can - spend the evening reveling the blessings that surround you! mine have black hair, curly hair and no hair...each one is such a gift.

brown hair and 3 kids...i'm ready to rumble...if rumble means drive you somewhere in my minivan

hello! i am holding myself accountable to blog on two things - 1) the song 'i am not my hair' AND 2) my children-less trip to chicago last weekend.

ok - so i heard this song by india arie called 'i am not my hair'. check it out on you tube for all of the lyrics, but it really made me think. i must have been having a vulnerable moment or somethings because the song challenged me to think about what is really important to me right now. its hard to remember that even when at work - where i am surrounded by really smart and incredibly well put together people - it's ok that i still fumble to drink my coffee each morning without spilling it down my shirt or to walk down the hallway without snagging my heel on carpet and nearly falling. i have actually felt a little 'released' from the pressure to 'do it all' because i realized - with the help of a silly song - that i simply cannot. i cannot be a great mom who looks flawless and always has it together. i cannot be a maverick (wink wink) at work and in the home. what i can do...wait for it...is be me. i am smart and i do have good ideas and i do give everything i have to my kids and my husband. dont get me wrong - there are days that one thing or another suffers because of all that i am committed to doing - days where i do spill my lunch on my shirt, days where i do have to walk out the door when my kids are begging me not to, days when i have to call in sick because i just cant leave - but i am learning to handle what i have been given. because, after all, it is mine. my life is mine to live and to enjoy and to soak up - not to suffer with. im working on it people! stick with me and by the time i'm 90 i may have something insightful to say!

ok - i will revel with the second question in another blog on another day...it's getting late!

the kids are good! casey is sitting up and eating some horrible looking meat paste business as a stage two food - it seriously makes me gag - but it makes him gaga!

ellee is so good - love her to bits. she is talking so much all the time! we try to understand most of it, but because she still struggles with some vocabulary - she can get fired up when we can't get it!

sophie is so good too. she was talking the other day about the kitchen and referenced 'that white thing'. i asked her to back up and clarify when she was talking about...turns out she was telling me a story about the dishwasher! she had no idea what it was because we have never had one before this house! i always load and unload it when she is in bed, so all this time, she had no idea what it was! needless to say, she was very interested to know that IT is the reason that we now eat off of out glass plates - not paper ones like in our old dishwasher-less apartment!

below is a video of the kids outside while matt was raking leaves. there is also a picture of me with my new brown hair at the top of the page. ahhh....it's a nice change to be a bit less maintenance...even if it is ugly.

love to you all!

october arrives and things slow down

sophie took this one and she is so proud!




















i have been reflecting this evening about the life matt and i are building here in minnesota. our days are filled with so many really fulfilling times; kids, work, family. each day the routine grows. we know how each day will progress - everything from alarm clocks to bathroom breaks to rush hour and meal times - it's beginning to feel like clockwork. it's life happening around us and happening to us.


we have so enjoyed the connections that we are finding with family here in minnesota - it's priceless. i do not want to negate the importance of that aspect of our life in any way - but - we cannot help but consider the things we have sacrificed in order to build this life.


family and friends in michigan and illinois - you are the people who have helped define us and without you, our identity is fuzzy. as we move forward in putting down some roots here, i feel like there is a fine line between being successful at building a life while respecting the one we left behind. making new friends feels like cheating on the old ones. i know it's a process, and i will continue to work to put all the pieces together - who knew that this old dog would have such a hard time learning these new tricks.


the beauty of this scenario is that our children have remained relatively immune to the sacrifice they made as well - thank God. they are happy and healthy. sophie is so bright - in every way. i can literally feel when she comes into the room - she exudes energy and influence. ellee is the sweetest counterpart to sophie. i adore hearing and watching as they interact. the other day, while driving in the mini-v, i heard sophie say 'elles?' as if to question if she was still in the car (sophie sits in the thrid row and ellee in the second so they can't really see each other). ellee responded with 'what hatie' (hatie is what ellee calls sophie). sophie then said simply 'hi'. ellee smiled and said 'hi' in return. that's it - but it was so telling of their dependence on each other - even in moments that mean nothing in the big scheme of things. it is burned into my brain and i love it!


casey is getting bigger and bigger each day! he was 19 pounds at his 6 month visit. he has a head full of auburn hair with just a bit of curl. he is sitting up and rolling over - a true athlete. his disposition is so kind and so sweet. he has his dad's personality along with his good looks.


the kids are good - sheltered from this storm by the love of people in sates near and far. blessings abound on this family and we feel it.


i have attached a little video from a dance party we had in the living room the other night - it's proof positive that these little lovies are all heart. if you listen carefully to the lyrics of sophie's song, you will also be privy to the great wisdom of a 3 year old!

our little yellow piece of heaven

finally! some house pictures...here it is! we are so thrilled to call it home!

still no more pictures of the inside of the house...but eventually...eventually...

grandma and grandpa make the trip

this weekend, grandpa and grandma schans drove in from michigan...we had a great time! they were our first official guests from out of town and again we feel so blessed just to have a enough space to host family from out of town! the weekend included a golf day for matt and larry, and a trip to the apple farm for all of us on saturday. attached are some pictures of the girls riding ponies and feeding the goats. as a special treat, there is also some video of larry and shirley learning to play wii tennis. one word - hilarious.

thanks to grandma and grandpa for making the trip! we all had so much fun and the kids so loved seeing you!