on making the impossible happen.

happy 2013!

i remember, like it was yesterday, when i rang in 2000. at the stroke of midnight that year, i thought instantly of my then-friend, matt schans. i wondered what would come of us, and i hoped for the best. that's why 13 years later, i feel more than lucky to have him as my best friend, my husband, and as the dad to my amazing crew. i am an overly blessed nerd.

i know i owe you all an update on kids, holidays, school, and life, but first, i want to share what's been keeping me busy as of late.

this summer, i went on a super fun filled girls weekend where i was able to spend some much needed quality time with the some of the women in my life who i count as most important. when i returned from my fun, and was looking over some of the pictures, i recognized each of them, but there was one figure i couldn't quite place. it was me, and i was shocked to see that what i looked like on the outside was so vastly different than what i had been envisioning all this time. turns out, i was fat, and i didn't like what i saw.

don't get me wrong, i have never been, nor will i ever be, super wrapped up in my appearance or in what i weighed. however, i noticed that my health was suffering because of what my mouth was eating. my arthritis was out of control, my blood pressure was eeking up, and my energy was headed south. i felt bad, and when i allowed myself even a moment to actually feel it, i was so disappointed in what i had allowed to happen.

after a brief freak out at my current state, i decided i would actually try and change things. two days later, i found myself staring face to face with a bigger than life sized picture of jennifer hudson. there, too, was that smiley jerk jessica simpson, and also my not-so-good friend charles barkley. ugh. i was at my first weight watchers meeting, and i wasn't thrilled.

over the last few months, i have eaten better, and even started working out. my biggest loser videos have been torturous and hate-filled. changing my lifestyle has been filled with challenges, but it's becoming easier. i still make the stink eye at j. simps every time i see her and i swear at anna kornikova on my TV screen when she tells me that she loves doing lunges while i am sucking wind and barely able to remain standing, but my work is paying off. so far, i've dropped 45 pounds. even more exciting to me has been the health improvements. my body feels new! i'm able to do things now that before i wouldn't even have attempted. i'm so thankful that the tangible proof is there too. i'm off my major arthritis meds, my blood pressure is perfect, and i don't break out into a sweat doing something as hard core as, oh i don't know...bending over. can i get an amen?

weight loss, for me, has been a surprising gift. one that i worked hard for, but also one that has given me much more than i thought possible. i gotta say, i'm pretty stoked. as shocking as it seems, i can't find one snarky or sarcastic thing to say about it. it's just good.

i know i have more to go, but this process is slow and progressive. it's more than food, but lifestyle. it's more than a pants size, it's re-imagining what i'm capable of. it's all the things you think it will be, but convince yourself aren't worth it. but here's the secret: it IS worth it.  not because being thin is magic, but because feeling good is powerful.

i'm telling this in such an honest way not because i want to brag. there is NOTHING more annoying to me than someone who has lost weight flaunting it in the face of someone who hasn't, but who wants to. trust me, i know. but, my perspective changed a bit after a conversation with a friend who is on the same journey that i am. she wisely reminded me that when you brush something like this under the rug and pretend it's not a big deal to you, you rob that person of the potential of the situation. you're stealing their inspiration. and so i'm sharing. i lost it. i want to lose more. and more than anything, i want to keep it off and keep it healthy. and as cliched as it sounds, for those of you who know me, you know this is true: if i can do it, ANYONE can do it.

in all of this, i'm not looking for congratulations, but rather, encouragement. and perhaps, you'll share your story with me. if you're doing this too, if you want to do this too, or if you just want to acknowledge that you're healthy and you're proud, go for it! be proud of wherever you are, because this stuff is important. being mindful of my body, and finding success, has allowed me to dream of bigger things for my life and for my mind. i really can't emphasize enough how much i though i would fail at this. and to have succeeded, even at this level, reminds me that putting limits on yourself is nothing short of stupid. so don't do it. instead, dream big and anything can happen.

here's picture proof that change can happen. on the left is a picture of me on my girl's weekend. and on the right is me today. it may not look like much to you, but it feels like a new world to me.

here's to losing it all, and gaining everything else. BOOM!