do you ever get sick of yourself? sick of the things that make you less of yourself?
i am so sick of myself tonight. i have moments where i remember the 'old' me. someone who was inspired by her faith. by learning. by friends. someone who was rested and full of energy to do more and say more and think more.
my life today is different from when i felt like that. i am pulled in 100 different directions everyday from the moment my feet hit the ground. while i wouldn't change the fact that i am married, i have kids and i have a job, sometimes i wish i also had a personal assistant.
my personal assistant would be in charge of the following daily duties:
1. laundry (this will include gathering all of the laundry, washing it, folding it AND putting it away)
2. grocery shopping
3. getting drinks for my kids (i swear, every single time i sit down, one of them needs a drink)
4. blow drying/styling my hair
5. cleaning up the bathroom
6. unloading the dishwasher
7. changing poopy diapers
8. cleaning out my refrigerator and maintaining the brita filter rotation
9. reading great books and telling me about them, in detail
10. following world events and political issues and debriefing me daily
11. complimenting my husband on his manliness and his great fathering
12. other duties as assigned
if i had someone in my life that would all of these things for me, maybe then i would feel a bit more...i don't know...worthwhile. a bit cooler. a little nicer. definitely smarter. braver even?
tonight i am feeling like a big blob of mush. like someone who has to accomplish what is on my personal assistant's to-do list but i just don't have it in me. i'm tired. tonight i miss my friends. tonight i wish i could have a drink and a conversation with people who are far away. tonight i just can't make it happen.
so for tonight...i'll work on the job description for my prospective PA and i will say a prayer that when i find her, she'll agree to work for monopoly money. until then, suck it laundry. as long as my grundies are clean, i'm all good.
2 comments:
Oh, I so wish I could be your PA and you could be mine :) But, I'm your friend that misses you a ton as well. You need to call me on these nights Shan. I'm here every night. I will try calling you as well :) Miss you, hang in there!
If you had health care and could just pay my monthly student loans I would be all yours. I miss you friend. As soon as you stop being pregs I would love to join you in a drink and a good conversation. Love you Shans!
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