sometimes things suck...but what are you gonna do about it?

there's no doubt that transition is hard. but i'm not the only one going through something hard. (no one is alone is struggle - thank god, right?!) in fact, some of the coolest people i know have been through the ringer...or are dead in the middle of the ringer right now.

some days, work sucks. some days, being a mom sucks. some days, being a wife sucks. thinking back though...no one ever said any of these undertakings would be easy. (and it's a good thing because i think i would hunt them down and kick them in the throat.)

through these difficult and sometimes sickeningly stressful moments, i am really trying to learn something about who i am in the face of all this drama. i'm trying to get something out of this.

in my experience so far, i think two things are true in almost all cases. 1) the collective 'we' often keep our pain private. why, i wonder? i know that i would never have been helped, never would have seen the beauty in what others have offered, if i hadn't been able to talk openly about what's hard. (insert my unsolicited (and maybe (gasp) unwanted) encouragement to all those people who may be dealing with something sucky...talk about it! open up your mouth and say the words. be brave. it helps! god shows his face in the kindness and wisdom of the people around you. he will show you his hand if you show others yours (pssst...he already knows your hand). ok, i'm moving on).

2) i think that you have to choose to get something out of it. you have to work in order to find the good in what is otherwise crap. it is so easy to ask 'why me?' and to wallow in your despair wondering why the world has done you wrong . i have been there too and it's an ugly and empty pit. it leads nowhere. it's too darn dark in that pit to see what's real. making the choice to see god in what feels so bad was life changing for me. to see that challenges are not symptoms of bad choices was freeing. difficult circumstances are not punishments - we don't deserve to be punished and certainly don't follow a god who thinks otherwise (thank you sweet little 8lb. 6 oz. baby jesus).

in my experience, god intentionally challenges us...he needles us where we're most sensitive (for me it's patience...i am awful at patience) because he wants us to learn - to become closer to him by becoming better people. and once we have learned a little something from a difficult situation, then guess what, he's gonna needle us some more.

awesome, right? but without the challenging transitions that these last few months have held, i wouldn't have learned how beautiful my friends and family are in their ability to serve. even though it's been hard, it's been very educational (dare i say beneficial). i'm closer to him because i'm a better version of myself. that is awesome.

i'm choosing to work at this...and my work continues.