if nothing else, just avert your eyes

it's surprises me the things that pop into my mind as my world seems to be imploding. in this case, it was a facebook post. 

a friend of mine recently posted something about how a complete stranger had complimented her parenting skills while they were out and about in seattle. it made me wonder two things. first, when was the last time anyone, aside from my blood relatives (who are obligated, after all), have complimented me on my parenting or the behavior of my kids? and second, when was the last time i offered an encouraging word to another mom who i saw doing a good job with her crew?

today i had a day where i could have used a choir of strangers and relatives alike assembled behind me singing my praises because today was hard. it started with a couple of morning breakdowns both at home and at the grocery store. (nora literally dove on to the floor the same way an olympic swimmer would attack a pool, laid on the dirty linoleum, kicked her feet, screamed at the top of her lungs, and leaked fluids out of every facial orifice.) this, all because i forgot to buy cream for my coffee yesterday while at the grocery store and so this morning i was forced to put on my bra early and head out with my possee...to the grocery store...where they sell donuts we were not going to buy. so this tantrum went down without me even having my coffee yet. almost unbearable.

the middle of the day included the news that matt's boss, who is a big supporter of him, has been promoted and is leaving his center. this has happened before and often leads to new challenges at work. lots of proving, again, what a good employee he is. new policies, again, that require long hours. new expectations, again, that often lead to the same ol' thing that they've already been doing. it's hard for him (and even more hard for me, which is super dumb, i realize) to go through another transition; especially one where it feels like he's losing an advocate. again. 

finally, the tipping point came this afternoon. i had to run to target. to me target is a beautiful hell. i love it. i want to go there and study each lamp they sell, each towel they have displayed, and each shoe that call my name. the truth is i want to go there alone. today, however, i was not alone. instead, i brought the entire gang. after returning some items, i decided that it might be fun to check out some of the summer toys (why would i think that?! no. clue.). it was going so well. until it stopped going well, and started going terribly. in any case, the whole outing ended with me yelling at the kids, in the store, in a serious way. the horrible part is that i know i would have been chilled out about their volume, their running and even their touching of every possible item. it's the mom glares that got to me. the looks from other women that made me self-conscious. it's a sad thing when other moms, people with kids in their carts don't have your back and aren't afraid to show it. shame on me for caving and shame on them for judging.

in any case, the looks i got were the opposite of supportive. i'm not totally blaming other moms here, i know i'm guilty at times too. the challenge i'm putting forth to me (and to you, i guess) is this: when you see a mom, doing a good job, tell her so! and when you see a mom who is obviously struggling, smile at her and help if you can. if nothing else, pray. pray that she find the strength to get through that moment. that she can find time to take a breath. and, most of all, that she does not run into any other patrons who dare roll their eyes as her children run screaming through the produce department.