so this is awkward.

i'll say it first. i'm a bad blogger.

sometimes i wonder why i quit writing on here, but really i know why. it's because it's hard. i don't mean that i don't have any cute kid stories to share; those i have in spades. but really, sometimes it's hard to blog about happy and funny kids stories when it's so easy to get bogged down in all of the stuff about being a mom that's hard. but today, ellee found the blog book and LOVED hearing some of the stories and for me it was so fun to read through some of the struggles i have had and to see how far i've come. so. here i go. again. 

so here's the low down on the family.

1. matt's working at fedex as a distribution supervisor. he is really really good at his job and he loves so much about it. it's been an indescribable blessing for him to have this work. a job that has allowed me to stay home with our kids and just be a mom. and a job that makes him feel needed and successful. what we're finding recently is that this job may eventually require us to move as well. it's exciting and scary and wonderful all at the same time.

2. i'm at home with the 4 crazy kiddos. turns out that this is a really hard gig. don't get me wrong, i ADORE being here. i get all the hugs, the kisses, the stories, the breakdowns and the drama. i KNOW my kids and they KNOW me. i adore it. but still, it's a lot. most days are an equal mix of struggle and love. some days i feel less than worthy. sometimes it's hard for me to even want to try to be anything but a mom. you know? hard to get dressed in anything other than sweats. hard to paint my nails because really, who is going to see it? hard for me to blog, because what do i have to say that matters? seriously, i get how skewed that is because, deep down, i know i'm valuable, but i'm just putting it out there. it's real. and i'm guessing, as a stay at home mom, i'm not alone in this.

3. sophie is amazing. she's SEVEN. i am more in love with her everyday. she's brilliant and thoughtful and huggy and sweet. she's a total girl. loves bows and skirts and her girlfriends. she's part of the young scholars program at school and is excelling. how did we get so lucky? why did god choose us to be her parents? it's one of my life's greatest blessings. never, not for one day, do i take it for granted that there were days when we thought we would never be parents and that she was the start of most of what is good in our lives.

4. ellee is growing up so beautifully. i cannot believe how wonderful she is. ellee is funny, smart, witty, and super athletic. she's tough but so sentimental. how can it be that she's FIVE? ellee has two best friends, ada (from school) and nora. it's true, ellee is mom #2 to my lil nora. she cares for her so much and teaches her so much everyday. more importantly, ellee watches out for her. if ever there's trouble brewing, i'm promptly informed and i love it! ellee is taking dance at the rec center and starts tee-ball this week. her energy is unfailing. mine, not so much.

5. casey joe is FOUR. four. he's four. it's been an incredible journey for him over the last couple of years as we tackled the speech language issues that casey faced, but has he ever come out on the other end like a champ. it's really amazing how he has transformed. casey has graduated out of his speech class and next year he'll be in an typically-achieving classroom. he'll have a speech therapist check in on him a couple times a month to work on some articulation, but his vocabulary is off the charts. what a stud, huh? casey is filled with energy; he's like a bolt of lightning. he's messy, he loves trucks, he's funny, and he burps all the time. casey adds the spice to our day and without him, i would have less grey hair but a lot less love. he's special and he knows it.

6. at TWO, nora kate goes primarily as honey badger. sometimes we call her honey bee for short, but we all know what we really mean. she's unreal. tough as nails and a smile that will knock you on your rear. and if her smile doesn't her left hook will. she's funny and sweet and has a fourth child survival mindset. at about 19 months, nora wasn't saying a whole lot so we had her assessed by the district. we were relieved to discover that she did qualify for services and so she too receives speech therapy once per week. she's really coming along and is thrilled when her screams of ME DO get rounds of applause from the family. she's the most like me in personality but looks the most like matt. can you imagine that combination at 13 years old? one word. trouble.

over the last several months, i've been reminded of so many things .tonight, i'm only gonna touch on two. first, i love my husband. he's perfect for me in every way. i know for certain that we'll be together forever and everyday i try and remember what a real and tangible blessing that is. second, i adore my friends. about 95% of them are no less than 300 miles away, but honestly, i love them. my friends are my anchors and without them, matt would have to deal with so much more crazy.

here's the deal. i like blogging, and i'm going to try and do it more. so hang in there with me and someday, i'll even share a funny story. remember, i gots lots.