lock these away - they are my life's truth

a few new things i just want to remember...

1. i am married to the most wonderful and caring man who loves me no matter what i say or do or look like. when i am afraid of what's in my own head, he calms my mind. when i am upset, he lets me storm around the house. when i get home from work and immediately strip off my 'nice' clothes only to be replaced by old maternity clothes that prove to be the most comfy, he gives me a hug - and he means it. he is a dad and a believer and daily i am amazed that he is my husband.

for a really long time when we were first married, i was really afraid that matt would 'change his mind' and that he would leave me in pieces. i would do and say things that would test his faithfulness to me. i was so familiar with a family that included divorce, that i, in a way, assumed that mine could, or would, end the same way. matt said then, as he says now, that he will never leave me. that he is my partner in everything that i do. that even if i make him crazy the rest of his life, he will stand by my side - shoulder to shoulder.

sometimes i am overwhelmed at the blessing. i adore him and i am left without words when i try and describe what he has done for me - what he continues to do for me. i have been allowed a soul mate - a second half of myself that allows me to be me. i love him and am grateful for him everyday.

2. i love my children. i know that i am a bit biased, but i think that they are the most remarkable little people who have ever lived. sophie is a princess. she flits and dances around her world like she has no feet - only wings. what's even more amazing to me is that she loves me! she adores me. in her eyes, i am truth. she trusts the words that come from my mouth and that holds such responsibility for me. what a gift to have the opportunity to help shape her - to show her love and faith and family. sometimes i will be watching her and suddenly i will think of the women who grew her in her belly. i will remember the sacrifice and wonder if she thinks of the baby she gave up - maybe she never even held her? i will think of her biological relatives in korea. her birth father who does not know she exists. her three biological brothers - do they look like her or think like her or have crazy feet like her? none of it matters most moments - but it will all be very important to sophie - not today - but some day.

ellee is an emotional wreck. she pours her heart into every activity. running in the yard ends in tears when she gets grass in her shoes. she is passionate and loving and in every way she is a perfect combination of matt and me. i love to watch her interact with other people because she thinks so much about every word. i think she could be anything - a dancer, an astronaut, a comedian or the president. she is amazing.

just last week casey began taking his first steps. already, just a few days later, he is cruising around the house like he owns the place! he is smiley and laughing and mischievous. he understands the word 'no' and to acknowledge you, he shoots you a million dollar grin and then goes on his merry way doing whatever the heck he wants to. what a gem. what a spitfire - we love him to bits!

some of my favorite kid interactions need to be locked away forever on this blog...so here goes!!

1. sophie at the kitchen table covering her ears and shouting 'ellee be quiet, you're giving me a headache!!!'. this is in response to ellee's refusal to eat anything that is not a hot dog or a cookie. she will also eat chips. nice. if presented with anything else, she crys.
2. casey's refusal to step with bare feet on the grass
3. sophie helping ellee to get dressed in the morning - or whenever she feels like finding new clothes for ellee to put on
4. ellee demanding that i sing the 'wonder pets' theme song at various levels of volume...whenever she deems it necessary.
5. ellee refuses to have ANY cups in the bath - she will certainly let you know when she sees one by screaming and throwing it out.
6. sophie and ellee 'giving me their hearts' before i leave for work in the morning. they also want me to give them my heart (i did that a looong time ago, girls!). it's awesome - everyday we do this. it's partly where the new tatt came from.
7. ellee's insane ratty hair. seriously, every morning it looks like a rat's nest and it kills me when matt does not brush it all day.
8. sophie's non-hair. it grows as fast as...ok, i cannot think of anything slow enough to compare it to...it's that slow.
9. ellee's booty dance. 'go ellee go ellee, shake your booty shake your booty, take it down, bring it up! HI.LAR.IOUS.
10. seriously - the fun in these lists is that they could go on and on...back to the first sentence of this paragraph. my kids are amazing. :)

although my last post hinted (ok ok, screamed a loud and obnoxious scream) at a bit of discontent in my life, please do not get the wrong idea. although life is complex and God's plan for us is so hard to decipher sometimes, my discontent does not have anything to do with my family. the four people who i get to come home to everyday are a reminder to me that God is so great and full of grace and love and all that he offers is hopeful. i adore them and everyday, i count my blessings...one, two, three, and four. :)