here's an idea.
recently, i read someone's facebook post that simply said 'let it go.'
i thought very little of it because at the moment i was more amused by all of the updates that talked about their kids, something being difficult, or someone just complaining about something i could relate to.
but tonight, i remembered that post. tonight, after a long an terrible day preceded by two weeks of hard days and long nights filled with sick children who have done nothing but cry and complain, i remembered that post 'let it go.'
maybe that's the key for me. so tomorrow, i am going to let go of the fact that my house is always messy...some room in it is always filled with the evidence that i have four small children. i am going to forgive matt of all of his short comings, because god knows he forgives me of mine.
i am going to let go of the fact that we have less money than what i want and remember that we have everything we need. food, shelter, love, faith.
i want to let it go.
i want to enjoy my kids and their mess so that i don't ruin it for them.
i want to be happy in my marriage so that i don't ruin for us.
i am going to let it go. and try my darnedest to relish the blessings that fill up my life and my days and my time. i have so much...so many things that i need to hold on to. and so many things i need to just let go.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
a word on casey...for casey.
can you imagine a child of mine not being able to talk? i couldn't have imagined it either...until he was staring right at me.
as casey was nearing 2, i noticed that he wasn't nearly as vocal as ellee or sophie was at his age. when i talked to people about it, i got the ol' 'don't compare your children. he'll talk when he's ready' kind of thing. not that that was bad, but in the end, it just wasn't true.
by the time casey turned 2 and a half, he had about 4 words under his belt and most other communication was done by screaming until we could guess what it was that he wanted. there were many many days that i lost sleep about my sweet sweet boy and the challenges we faced with him.
i would often mention to people how much work we were doing with him and most of the time people would respond as nicely as they could telling me that they could recognize a difference...that they were seeing some improvement. it became very robotic and even i didn't believe it after a while. it wasn't until his grandma said in a very honest way that she really didn't see improvement and that he was, indeed, quite delayed.
hearing it, out loud, from a person who knew what she was talking about, really scared me. but more than that, it motivated me. while i had thought many times about contacting the district in order to get him assessed, it wasn't until that day in july that i made the call. he was 28 months old.
working with the school district was amazing. wonderful professionals came to our house and completed about 6 hours of assessment over the course of approximately 4 visits. it was grueling, but worth it. when we finally met to discuss the 'results' it was sobering to hear the news. casey's only 'disability' was found in speech and communication but in both of those areas he fell in the 1 percentile. ouch. they found that he had about 4-6 usable words and unless those words were translated by someone who knew there meaning, you probably couldn't decipher what he was saying. on average, a 28 month old has a vocabulary of anywhere from 1,000-2,000 words. casey had, at best, 6. and to make things worse, he didn't know how to use the 6 words that he had. no sentences. no names. no good.
four weeks after making the initial phone call, casey began his speech therapy sessions (btw, it was on that day that he instantly fell in love with his teacher, maria.) maria comes each week and works with him on both vocabulary and effective communication. it's been an uphill battle not only teaching him new words, but retraining him how to couple his new words with appropriate behavior. the challenges have been significant, but we are all making real progress.
recently, maria began talking with me about the possibility of a new diagnosis for casey. she is, each week, assessing him for what is called apraxia of speech. apraxia is different from an articulation delay (which is what the original assumption was) in that it involves more of casey's neurological function as opposed to just his ability to pronounce words correctly. if he does have apraxia, then his brain is having a hard time telling his mouth what to do. he can say everything he wants to say in his mind, but when it comes out, it sounds very different than what he intends. there are a lot of symptoms that allow a solid diagnosis of apraxia, many of which casey demonstrates, and working to make a final decision is difficult and may involve more assessment.
the good news is that maria is thrilled with casey's increased vocabulary. he is speaking in sentences and his overall behavior has improved so much. ironically, it's the increase in vocabulary that is leading to the apraxia diagnosis. casey can now say countless numbers of words and phrases, but he cannot articulate them them and in fact, mispronounces them differently each time. if, in the end, his teachers decide that he does have apraxia of speech, he will have a big increase in the therapy he receives and in the type of work they do with him. all of this, in an effort to get him on track for kindergarten...which is three years away. sigh.
on top of those changes in his therapy, when he turns three in march, casey will also say good-bye to maria. he will begin going to school at least two mornings a week (unless that number is increased) in a class where each student has an IEP. it is a new road for us and for casey and so we approach it with a brave face and a many prayers.
if you're interested in learning a little more about apraxia, check out the link below...and if you think of him, say a little prayer for my boy. and because he can't say it, i will; thank you.
http://www.apraxia-kids.org/site/apps/nlnet/content.aspx?c=chKMI0PIIsE&b=839037&ct=837215
as casey was nearing 2, i noticed that he wasn't nearly as vocal as ellee or sophie was at his age. when i talked to people about it, i got the ol' 'don't compare your children. he'll talk when he's ready' kind of thing. not that that was bad, but in the end, it just wasn't true.
by the time casey turned 2 and a half, he had about 4 words under his belt and most other communication was done by screaming until we could guess what it was that he wanted. there were many many days that i lost sleep about my sweet sweet boy and the challenges we faced with him.
i would often mention to people how much work we were doing with him and most of the time people would respond as nicely as they could telling me that they could recognize a difference...that they were seeing some improvement. it became very robotic and even i didn't believe it after a while. it wasn't until his grandma said in a very honest way that she really didn't see improvement and that he was, indeed, quite delayed.
hearing it, out loud, from a person who knew what she was talking about, really scared me. but more than that, it motivated me. while i had thought many times about contacting the district in order to get him assessed, it wasn't until that day in july that i made the call. he was 28 months old.
working with the school district was amazing. wonderful professionals came to our house and completed about 6 hours of assessment over the course of approximately 4 visits. it was grueling, but worth it. when we finally met to discuss the 'results' it was sobering to hear the news. casey's only 'disability' was found in speech and communication but in both of those areas he fell in the 1 percentile. ouch. they found that he had about 4-6 usable words and unless those words were translated by someone who knew there meaning, you probably couldn't decipher what he was saying. on average, a 28 month old has a vocabulary of anywhere from 1,000-2,000 words. casey had, at best, 6. and to make things worse, he didn't know how to use the 6 words that he had. no sentences. no names. no good.
four weeks after making the initial phone call, casey began his speech therapy sessions (btw, it was on that day that he instantly fell in love with his teacher, maria.) maria comes each week and works with him on both vocabulary and effective communication. it's been an uphill battle not only teaching him new words, but retraining him how to couple his new words with appropriate behavior. the challenges have been significant, but we are all making real progress.
recently, maria began talking with me about the possibility of a new diagnosis for casey. she is, each week, assessing him for what is called apraxia of speech. apraxia is different from an articulation delay (which is what the original assumption was) in that it involves more of casey's neurological function as opposed to just his ability to pronounce words correctly. if he does have apraxia, then his brain is having a hard time telling his mouth what to do. he can say everything he wants to say in his mind, but when it comes out, it sounds very different than what he intends. there are a lot of symptoms that allow a solid diagnosis of apraxia, many of which casey demonstrates, and working to make a final decision is difficult and may involve more assessment.
the good news is that maria is thrilled with casey's increased vocabulary. he is speaking in sentences and his overall behavior has improved so much. ironically, it's the increase in vocabulary that is leading to the apraxia diagnosis. casey can now say countless numbers of words and phrases, but he cannot articulate them them and in fact, mispronounces them differently each time. if, in the end, his teachers decide that he does have apraxia of speech, he will have a big increase in the therapy he receives and in the type of work they do with him. all of this, in an effort to get him on track for kindergarten...which is three years away. sigh.
on top of those changes in his therapy, when he turns three in march, casey will also say good-bye to maria. he will begin going to school at least two mornings a week (unless that number is increased) in a class where each student has an IEP. it is a new road for us and for casey and so we approach it with a brave face and a many prayers.
if you're interested in learning a little more about apraxia, check out the link below...and if you think of him, say a little prayer for my boy. and because he can't say it, i will; thank you.
http://www.apraxia-kids.org/site/apps/nlnet/content.aspx?c=chKMI0PIIsE&b=839037&ct=837215
Monday, January 10, 2011
if a picture speaks 1,000 words, here are about a million...
the four! on our way to being the christmas season...that is to say we were making our yearly pilgramage to menards to pick out our tree!
this is the ONE.
getting it all decorated!
sophie and ellee just loved these sparkly bulbs.
sophie was very particular about where her favorites went on the tree.
i could eat her up.
nora got a good ol' handful of casey's hair and yanked. love her face.
our littles. 
nobo. (as in nora-bora...why are all of our children's nick names so awful? soph, eb, caser and nobo. nice.)
sophie took this. (i cannot believe how tired we look. not so good.)
nora at meal time. she looooves meal time.
minnesota weather is absolute crap. here's an example.
we hosted the dixon christmas eve party! it was a blast - about 20 of the best people ever filled up our lil' yellow house. too fun!
getting ready for a fierce game of 'dice'.
me, heather, mom, and john.
santa came!
love the excitement of a chuggington puzzle!
these are two of my gifts. :)
christmas morning tradition - sweet rolls!
ellee loves her early morning diet coke.
mac matty.
heather and allison at the whalen christmas partee'.
gramps.
this is nora. looking rough after a hard nap. wowza.
looooove these faces.
momma time.
grandma and grampa from michigan came and dolled out even more love on to the schans family!we were blessed with an amazing christmas season! wishing you a 2011 filled with abundant blessings.
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