too much time to think...and embracing my discontent

so some things i have been contemplating....

ok so my first revelation, of sorts, came in the form of a frustrating weekend. there had been weeks of birthdays which came full with a lot of planning and well thought out days. everything from shopping trips to special baking projects to parties at home - we planned a lot and these days were precious. last weekend, although it was easter, was one of the first in a long time where we just did not have a lot going on. i thought it would be wonderful - what could be better than a relaxing weekend at home with the kids. maybe it was the weather (cold!) or maybe it was the mess (i had fallen behind on house 'stuff' over the course of the week) but what we had was nothing like i had imagined. the kids were naughty, the house was frustrating, and matt and i were crabby. the weekend was a bust - is it because i had planned nothing? with three young children, is it necessary to plan out the days? maybe. keeping in mind that there are going to be issues that pop up regardless of how much we plan - maybe in order to have fun, we need to think it through...hmmm....i am going to keep testing this theory and i will keep you updated. how exciting right...seriously, how will you sleep at nights?

ok ok...my next thought...i have been STRESSING lately about working full time. in a time like this, with so many economic factors that we cannot control, it has been ingrained in me to be thankful for the job that i have. last year at this time, we were living at TCC and PRAYING that something would come through...that some job would present itself so that we could see a direction. that job came and we moved, thankful for work, to minnesota. so now that we are here, how come i am so miserable. for so long, i thought things would get better - that it would be easier to work and be away from my babies and to balance a life that often feels like a juggling act. i feel tonight that the time has come for me to say 'out loud' that it is not easy. in fact, i think it's impossible. i feel bad all the time - if not about leaving the kids, then it's about not doing the laundry or wash or yard work...you get the drift. sometimes, it seems, that God's gifts are not always what we want....maybe it's a 'be careful what you wish for' kind of thing.

finding my way through this mess is hard and knowing how to find the joy in these days is a challenge. i am embarrassed to be back at the start of things. back where my prayer is, again, to find direction - except this time, my prayer is to understand the lesson in what we have experienced over the last year. i want to listen and learn and see the result of this effort. but more than anything...i want to be at home, with my babies. i want to be the mom that i know i can be. i want to see my kids faces in the morning and not hear them cry when i leave. i want to know what they eat for lunch and when they have poopy diapers. i want to kiss them when they hurt and be present as they experience the things that shape their character....i don't know how or when, but i am praying that this happens for me. i take comfort knowing that all things are possible through the One who loves me - even if i am clueless.

thanks for being 'with' me in this and i ask for your continued prayers!

be well all.

casey - our little man - is no longer so little! they grow up so fast don't they?! i captured a little bit of him taking some first steps last weekend...so fun!!

it's the simple things...

bath night makes for yummy smelling kiddos and beautiful family 'stuff.' there are so many 'life' issues that fill our days with an overwhelming opaque fog - whether it's work or money or chores - it's sometimes hard to determine what gets your immediate attention. it's nights like tonight when the sun shines through our front window and the kids are clean and fed and matt and i are both home - its these times when the fog clears and the things that are important stare you in the face. here's to priorities!!

the best kind of birthday present...

i love sunday mornings....

even though there are parts that we regret (matt and i have been horrible in our efforts to find a new church - nothing seems to fit and so i must admit, prayers in this area would be great!) there are just some parts of it that are perfect.

sunday is really the only day of the week that we are all home and awake! i know this is true for many of us, but isn't there just something special about any day when you can all be together just being...you know...just enjoying each other.

today was especially great because for the first time since...hmmmm....october...it is warm out!! well, maybe not warm...but warmer!

we spent the morning out in the front yard. we got the bikes out, the trikes out, the stroller out...it was the first time that i felt like we might actually make it through this LONG winter! the first taste of spring is the sweetest! what a reminder of God's gifts - from the singing birds to the sunshine. so many blessings.

tomorrow i will turn 31 and i could not have asked for a better present than a day like today.

cheers to spring and a new season of hope!

happy 4th birthday sophie!!

today was fantastic...sophie was the star and was even willing to share the spotlight with her siblings...what a grown-up 4 year old!!! so many times today i said to myself - i cannot believe she's 4....there's just something about her being 4. 3 seems little...still a baby - or at least a toddler! now that she's 4, i know that her 'kid' years are upon us! slowly but surly, i know that she is building her own little life and although we will remain big pieces of that puzzle, slowly...slowly?...we are watching her become her own little person. her own thoughts, ideas, opinions, personality and gifts. she is such a blessing and we feel so lucky to have her.
below are some pictures of the day. some shots of us making her pinkalicious cupcakes, then decorating the cupcakes, then eating the
cupcakes....did i mention the cupcakes....
she got some wonderful new gear - some great clothes and art supplies and even a big-girl bike. man oh man...life is good.

a big day for our little man...

finally! he gets it!
this is a momentous day in the schans house as casey has finally learned to wave 'bye bye' and even better yet, i got it on video!
i know, i know....but better late than never!
enjoy....

a fun weekend and lots o' pictures

The weekend was filled with fun as we embarked on a trip to the children's museum! auntie heather, grandma judy, mom, sophie, casey and ellee all headed out - what a trip!

we had a blast - it was amazing to see the girls run and play and enjoy all the exhibits! the museum was amazing - we will definitely want to get back there sometime soon!

below are some pictures of our fun museum adventure along with a couple random shots. so fun!















cody the super-dog...taking a break...or just hiding from the kids...who knows...















casey's 'after bath' hair...what a stud















grandma judy and the girls...tired after our outing!















sophie the turtle!















mom and all the kids at the children's museum! i needed a serious nap when we got home!















sophie concentrating so hard on building an 'ice tower.' you should have seen her face when a little boy came over and knocked it over...if looks could kill....




















ellee being athletic...by the time we left this area, she could climb up on her own!




















casey had just as much fun as the girls...here he is at the 'hobitot' exhibit.















more in the 'hobitot'















sophie at the strategically placed mcdonalds right outside the entrance of the museum....curse you ronald!!!

here is casey on the move...he's a fast little guy!