who cares if sophie cuts all of her hair off. who cares if ellee is awake until 12am refusing to go to sleep. who cares if casey throws more temper tantrums than what any baby should.
when i read about what some mom's are going through, the things that drive me nuts about my kids literally disappear and i am overwhelmed with gratitude for every minute i have with them.
my babies are healthy and that is not something that every mother can say. please pray with me for stellan and his mom. their blog is listed below - my charming kids.
never doubt for a minute that prayer matters - God hears us and in this case, He needs to for stellan's sake.
so pray with me for stellan and for his family. and enjoy your kids every minute.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
put the scissors in a lock box.
my mom told me when i called in tears that it was bound to happen. matt and i can't pin down the exact moment of when the scissors were found...but without fail they were found...by sophie.
when she came to me and asked to snuggle, i grabbed her into my arms without even looking at her. when i opened my eyes, i was eye to eye with her.
sophie enjoyed her spa experience immensely - she smiled at the attention from the countless hair dressers who came over to tell her that 'it would be ok' and that she would 'look like a princess' before they were done. she loved having her hair washed in the sink, and was drunk with the aromas of hairspray and makeup. i was sweating like a pig and hoping i could stave off a panic attack as visions of her pre-school pictures ran through my head.
when she came to me and asked to snuggle, i grabbed her into my arms without even looking at her. when i opened my eyes, i was eye to eye with her.
my heart sank and the following words ran through my head 'what the BEEP?! what the BEEP happened to your hair? what were you BEEPING thinking?! '
thankfully, what came out of my mouth was 'sophie, did you cut your hair?'
smiling sweetly, she nodded yes.
sophie had found a small scissors in the downstairs playroom. when pressed, she showed matt where she had hidden them along with her the long locks of hair she trimmed from the front of her head.
before taking her to my salon to survey the damage and see what could be done, i did pause, between tears (mine, not hers), to take a picture.
sophie enjoyed her spa experience immensely - she smiled at the attention from the countless hair dressers who came over to tell her that 'it would be ok' and that she would 'look like a princess' before they were done. she loved having her hair washed in the sink, and was drunk with the aromas of hairspray and makeup. i was sweating like a pig and hoping i could stave off a panic attack as visions of her pre-school pictures ran through my head.
the end result is not...horrible...although it's not great either. you be the judge...but ask yourself this...do you know where your scissors are?
Friday, July 24, 2009
detox
over the past year, i have been somewhat unknowingly existing within a sink or swim mentality. at this point last year, matt and i were just beginning transition to minnesota living. i had been offered a dream job at the university of minnesota and matt had found work that would allow him to stay at home with our precious babes. even more, we had found a house and we were seemingly beginning to make IT happen. i guess in my mind, IT meant that we would begin a life that was filled with contentment. we never, not even for a moment, thought that out life would magically become something different than it was - raising kids wouldn't get easier, but now that we had made the move, things would become more ....regular.
so i began to work...we moved into our house...matt began at ups...we looked for a church...you know, all the regular stuff that people do in order to begin...being....regular?
over the course of the year, i could feel myself becoming sad. the excitement of new opportunities began to wane while the reality of life set it. work was hard and it was long. the commute was stressful and money was tight. matt was tired...all the time. and who wouldn't be after working all night and then waking up early to be with the kids all day? i missed my friends - my community of support that i love like they are family. being away from them was proving difficult and the idea of replacing them with new friends seemed foreign and unimaginable. i began to grow a bit weary...not just tired, but weary.
i wasn't getting enough sleep at night and in response, i began to consume huge amounts of coffee everyday - ugh - did you know that while coffee will keep you awake, it cannot make you feel rested?!! i also continued to take my prescription lexapro. i had been prescribed it after i had casey for some post-partum anxiety and while my initial plan was to get off of it as soon as possible, it became really convenient to feel 'in the middle' about everything. not really happy, but not really sad either. when things within our plan to become 'regular' were not panning out...i was grateful to feel as little as possible about most things.
finally, work began to take more from me that what it was giving - by ten fold. i have never seen my calling change so swiftly as when i began working full-time at the u. all i did each day was feel badly about being away from my kids. i was miserable...and it was not long before we could not ignore what we knew to be true.
so three things... three big decisions:
1. i quit my job - kids are young only once and i decided to not miss it.
2. i stopped taking lexapro - feeling scared about things is better than feeling nothing.
3. i would break myself of my caffeine addiction - i love coffee...but too much of a good thing can turn against you! in my case, the need for coffee is a symptom of a bigger problem - being tired! my goal now is to stop with my need to have everything 'done' each day. when i'm tired, i'm gonna stop. the cleaning will wait. the laundry will be there. sleep will become a priority.
so... i have been in my own personal detox for about 10 days now. i started with quitting my job...and no offence to anyone working at the u, but it felt awesome! i will begin my new part-time position as the director of a christian pre-school/daycare on monday! i am relieved to have left a position that took my energy only to be blessed with a job working with christians in an educational setting!! my new job will allow me to work 12-6pm. while i will get home a smidge later in the night, i will have all morning everyday with my kids - we feel really blessed! while money will be tight, our cups will be full.
over the last week, i have stopped my medication and have cut my caffeine intake more than in half!! it feels amazing to literally see the fog melt away from my mind. i can focus on my children, my husband and ...gasp...myself. seeing my kids and loving them without restrictions has been beyond what i remembered. i feel tidal waves of emotion for them. it's lovely to feel great - out of 'the middle' to be sure. God has also allowed me to feel weak and scared and overwhelmed. poetically, the people i love and trust have been there to help me calm my fears when needed.
so...that's it. life, once again, is changing for the schans family. but for the first time in a long time, it feels like we are heading in the right direction. day by day, i am beginning to wonder if matt and i will ever be regular...to be honest, i doubt that we will. we may move 16 more times, we may take new jobs every three months, and we may have a family that looks very different than what we ever thought it would. and my response? great! eat my unconventional dust, 'regular', and while i try not to define my life, i would encourage others to do the same. it's a lot more fun!
so i began to work...we moved into our house...matt began at ups...we looked for a church...you know, all the regular stuff that people do in order to begin...being....regular?
over the course of the year, i could feel myself becoming sad. the excitement of new opportunities began to wane while the reality of life set it. work was hard and it was long. the commute was stressful and money was tight. matt was tired...all the time. and who wouldn't be after working all night and then waking up early to be with the kids all day? i missed my friends - my community of support that i love like they are family. being away from them was proving difficult and the idea of replacing them with new friends seemed foreign and unimaginable. i began to grow a bit weary...not just tired, but weary.
i wasn't getting enough sleep at night and in response, i began to consume huge amounts of coffee everyday - ugh - did you know that while coffee will keep you awake, it cannot make you feel rested?!! i also continued to take my prescription lexapro. i had been prescribed it after i had casey for some post-partum anxiety and while my initial plan was to get off of it as soon as possible, it became really convenient to feel 'in the middle' about everything. not really happy, but not really sad either. when things within our plan to become 'regular' were not panning out...i was grateful to feel as little as possible about most things.
finally, work began to take more from me that what it was giving - by ten fold. i have never seen my calling change so swiftly as when i began working full-time at the u. all i did each day was feel badly about being away from my kids. i was miserable...and it was not long before we could not ignore what we knew to be true.
so three things... three big decisions:
1. i quit my job - kids are young only once and i decided to not miss it.
2. i stopped taking lexapro - feeling scared about things is better than feeling nothing.
3. i would break myself of my caffeine addiction - i love coffee...but too much of a good thing can turn against you! in my case, the need for coffee is a symptom of a bigger problem - being tired! my goal now is to stop with my need to have everything 'done' each day. when i'm tired, i'm gonna stop. the cleaning will wait. the laundry will be there. sleep will become a priority.
so... i have been in my own personal detox for about 10 days now. i started with quitting my job...and no offence to anyone working at the u, but it felt awesome! i will begin my new part-time position as the director of a christian pre-school/daycare on monday! i am relieved to have left a position that took my energy only to be blessed with a job working with christians in an educational setting!! my new job will allow me to work 12-6pm. while i will get home a smidge later in the night, i will have all morning everyday with my kids - we feel really blessed! while money will be tight, our cups will be full.
over the last week, i have stopped my medication and have cut my caffeine intake more than in half!! it feels amazing to literally see the fog melt away from my mind. i can focus on my children, my husband and ...gasp...myself. seeing my kids and loving them without restrictions has been beyond what i remembered. i feel tidal waves of emotion for them. it's lovely to feel great - out of 'the middle' to be sure. God has also allowed me to feel weak and scared and overwhelmed. poetically, the people i love and trust have been there to help me calm my fears when needed.
so...that's it. life, once again, is changing for the schans family. but for the first time in a long time, it feels like we are heading in the right direction. day by day, i am beginning to wonder if matt and i will ever be regular...to be honest, i doubt that we will. we may move 16 more times, we may take new jobs every three months, and we may have a family that looks very different than what we ever thought it would. and my response? great! eat my unconventional dust, 'regular', and while i try not to define my life, i would encourage others to do the same. it's a lot more fun!
sum sum summertime summertiiiiiiime!
just a sampling of some fun summertime activities at the schans house!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
poop and popcorn - 16 steps to sanity
so this afternoon was a doozy and here's how it all went down.
1. sophie and ellee wanted to run through the sprinkler.
2. against my better judgment (it was about 4:30pm at this point), i relented and allowed it.
3. in a desperate attempt to flee from the freezing sprinkler water, ellee raced toward me. in doing so, she missed a step on the deck and took a hard fall and scraped her elbow and knee.
4. i picked up my screaming middle child and tended to her wounds and tried to calm her down so that i could get dinner started.
5. with casey and sophie both wondering about the kitchen and ellee recovering on the couch, i began making dinner.
6. i successfully got three grilled cheese sandwiches going on the griddle and a pot of tomato soup heating on the stove. with that, ellee begins screaming again in an effort to alert me to the fact that she had pooped and pottied on the dining room floor. arg.
7. i strip her of her bathing suit, and raced to casey's bedroom knowing that the clock is ticking on dinner and that a nasty pile of 'elleeness' is steaming on the floor in the dining room. just as i grabbed a diaper and turned the corner to head back to the disaster zone, literally 3 second later, i heard a crash followed by a scream. double arg.
8. i run to the kitchen to find casey - laying on the floor, on his back, in the 'elleeness.' he had wandered into it, lost his footing, and fallen into the mess that ellee had delivered on the floor.
9. without thinking, i scoop him up and hug him close - yes, that's right. i hugged my poop covered baby close. after checking all limbs for broken bones, i begin to clean him up.
10. suddenly, a flash runs through my mind - grilled cheese! i put naked casey down to play with his two naked sisters (ellee naked from me stripping off her bathing suit, sophie naked when she realized an opportunity to join in the fun, casey naked from his poop fall).
11. i flip the semi-burned grilled cheese and strip the boiling tomato soup from the coil. quickly, i clean the table, i cut up the sandwiches, i bowl up the soup - all the while tuning out the fighting going on in the living room.
12. by 5:15pm all the children under my care were eating their favorite dinner and sipping their cups of milk. naked.
13. by 5:45 they had finished eating and the race to start movie night had begun. i was counting the minutes until mary poppins took charge of my children for the next hour while they were busy snuggling up with each other and staring longingly at the tv.
14. all moms can relate to the seemingly eternal minutes that it can take to actually get a movie going. in this case, the calm from dinner soon gave way to the storm of toddler fatigue. sophie demanded that i fast forward through the previews, casey was into the refrigerator, i knew i would have to eventually dress them again, my head felt hot and my heart was beating fast...i began to feel like i was losing the battle. suddenly...through the madness...i hear sophie's voice say to me sweetly 'mommy, are you going to make us 'cockporn'?' with that, everything that was bad and that was frustrating me to the point of break down disappeared in a gut shaking, can't breathe, tear-filled laugh.
15. i made the kids their popcorn and they peacefully let mary take them away.
16. deep breath. i made it.
for all those moments when things seem impossible, hold fast. God is faithful and he has a serious sense of humor.
1. sophie and ellee wanted to run through the sprinkler.
2. against my better judgment (it was about 4:30pm at this point), i relented and allowed it.
3. in a desperate attempt to flee from the freezing sprinkler water, ellee raced toward me. in doing so, she missed a step on the deck and took a hard fall and scraped her elbow and knee.
4. i picked up my screaming middle child and tended to her wounds and tried to calm her down so that i could get dinner started.
5. with casey and sophie both wondering about the kitchen and ellee recovering on the couch, i began making dinner.
6. i successfully got three grilled cheese sandwiches going on the griddle and a pot of tomato soup heating on the stove. with that, ellee begins screaming again in an effort to alert me to the fact that she had pooped and pottied on the dining room floor. arg.
7. i strip her of her bathing suit, and raced to casey's bedroom knowing that the clock is ticking on dinner and that a nasty pile of 'elleeness' is steaming on the floor in the dining room. just as i grabbed a diaper and turned the corner to head back to the disaster zone, literally 3 second later, i heard a crash followed by a scream. double arg.
8. i run to the kitchen to find casey - laying on the floor, on his back, in the 'elleeness.' he had wandered into it, lost his footing, and fallen into the mess that ellee had delivered on the floor.
9. without thinking, i scoop him up and hug him close - yes, that's right. i hugged my poop covered baby close. after checking all limbs for broken bones, i begin to clean him up.
10. suddenly, a flash runs through my mind - grilled cheese! i put naked casey down to play with his two naked sisters (ellee naked from me stripping off her bathing suit, sophie naked when she realized an opportunity to join in the fun, casey naked from his poop fall).
11. i flip the semi-burned grilled cheese and strip the boiling tomato soup from the coil. quickly, i clean the table, i cut up the sandwiches, i bowl up the soup - all the while tuning out the fighting going on in the living room.
12. by 5:15pm all the children under my care were eating their favorite dinner and sipping their cups of milk. naked.
13. by 5:45 they had finished eating and the race to start movie night had begun. i was counting the minutes until mary poppins took charge of my children for the next hour while they were busy snuggling up with each other and staring longingly at the tv.
14. all moms can relate to the seemingly eternal minutes that it can take to actually get a movie going. in this case, the calm from dinner soon gave way to the storm of toddler fatigue. sophie demanded that i fast forward through the previews, casey was into the refrigerator, i knew i would have to eventually dress them again, my head felt hot and my heart was beating fast...i began to feel like i was losing the battle. suddenly...through the madness...i hear sophie's voice say to me sweetly 'mommy, are you going to make us 'cockporn'?' with that, everything that was bad and that was frustrating me to the point of break down disappeared in a gut shaking, can't breathe, tear-filled laugh.
15. i made the kids their popcorn and they peacefully let mary take them away.
16. deep breath. i made it.
for all those moments when things seem impossible, hold fast. God is faithful and he has a serious sense of humor.
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